So the other day I was having one of my woe is me pity parties. It lead me to post about how I feel as someone who hides there desires to become a female, especially when I hear how those brave enough to express those feelings are mistreated. I received this response on my rambling."Lily said...Reading your post made me feel like someone understands my feelings. I often feel like a coward and realize that at this point I rather be safe than happy. I don't know if that's going to ever change. When I hear of people who are braver, it feels like I don't deserve to have what they have because I'm not brave enough to do what they do."
I want to say that being safe is OK. Many girls and guys that have come out have been murdered for their attempting to be true to who they are. Hiding is a necessity sometimes. It is awesome when a sister is reborn, but even some of our transitioned sisters, and brothers, stay hidden out of safety reasons. One of the Sweetest girls ever I have met online has the voice of an angel, yet she mentioned that she could never strive for a career because success would breed scrutiny. That is sad.
What will happen once same sex marriage is legal? When the partners we are lumped with in fights of equality get their day of Independence, what happens to the Transgendered? I fear we will be left behind and an acceptable group of people to still hate and discriminate against. My heart broke for Lily. I wanted to reach out and hug her so tight and let her know she was loved and that even though we are hidden, we are here and that online we can at least stand together as sisters and brothers and be supportive.
I wonder sometimes why I am so slutty when maybe I could be more serious. I guess I need to be able to release my pent up frustrations. I know I would so be in the sex industry somehow if I were a real girl. I just love it too much. I like the idea that I can be desirable. Maybe that is because I always felt so undesirable in my boy form. He is a loser in the relationship department, sorry it is true. As a person apparently I am someone whom people like and gravitate to, but not in the area of love. So I get lonely and I start my rambles. Maybe though there are some out there and if my craziness helps them feel less alone, well that is a good thing right?
Alexia Rose
2 comments:
I understand your loneliness, your feelings on "boy form:, and I also truely admire those with the courage to be who they want to be. The captions we make are little escapes for us.
I also liked your comment about same sex marriage....I have often thought the same...we always get ignored.
Your blog is one of my favorites, and it's nice to know there are people out there with similar feelings.
Thank you Alexia
-Cintia
It's disgusting that this even has to be discussed. I can't believe that people are so cruel to each other that people even have to choose between being safe or happy. It's sad. And I truly hope it changes. But until then, go you for being a voice for equality.
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