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Some days I feel such a strong feeling of dysphoria. My body is just so wrong. I really hate testicles. My boi clit is small. It does not intrude the way those disgusting things that hang there do. I hate them. I hate feeling them between my legs. I think if I could afford the operation I would get rid of them. I have had a thought about how we took them from the bull calves we had, but that might be too painful and not work well. No, not self mutilation, we put these really small bands around them and they fell off.
I hate hair on my body. I have removed hair on my legs enough with creams that they are now smoother, just some areas still fighting to return. I wish my torso was like that. I have to try and keep a handle on it. I can say that becoming very smooth helps lessen my dysphoria. I feel so much more like myself. I am feeling so emotional right now as I think about it.
Halloween is coming. The time I should be able to dress more like me. I have a training thing that is about helping to know how to speak and treat people like me. I hope that it helps me learn more about my community and all those in it. I am seeing just how the other letters fit into the spectrum of the shared community. I want to be a good member. I am hoping I can dress a bit mixed in the clothes I choose. I do want it to be very cool as I bought this awesome blanket wrap that looks like something from a spaghetti western.
Good days and bad days are what I face. I am tortured more and more as I feel like a fake person in this world. I want to be free to be me.
Alexia Rose
I have been wrapping my mind around this subject lately. I am realizing that I am Bisexual in terms of attraction. I have heard that taking T-blockers and in the future estrogen I might shift in that thinking. What really makes one dizzy is the fact that by DNA if I ever do find someone and they are cismale I would be gay, right? Or would it be straight since in all other ways I am female? If I am with a ciswoman are we lesbians? Then if it is another Transwoman...oh my head hurts.
Of course all this is moot. I have nobody on any horizon. I cannot even see the possibility. So I guess it is all just labels and head spinning.
Alexia
Some days I feel such a strong feeling of dysphoria. My body is just so wrong. I really hate testicles. My boi clit is small. It does not intrude the way those disgusting things that hang there do. I hate them. I hate feeling them between my legs. I think if I could afford the operation I would get rid of them. I have had a thought about how we took them from the bull calves we had, but that might be too painful and not work well. No, not self mutilation, we put these really small bands around them and they fell off.
