cock

I want to suck a cock, right now.  It is all I can think about.  I also want many other things, but the thing I have at the front of my thoughts is taking my lips and wrapping them around a nice hard cock and just sucking until my belly is full of cum.

Alexia

So Much in my Head

It has been a bit since I posted.  I am not out of things to write, but have too much on my mind somehow.  I have such horny and wicked fantasies that have been in my mind.  One that just was hot and wonderful at the same time.  I have wondered whether to share what happened as I daydreamed this one to a conclusion of sorts.  I began seeing myself as the similar Justine Joli looking woman.  I was not fully female, but a transsexual version of where I dream of being.  I am at a resort and walk to the pool.  I am in a white bikini and very self conscious because I hope no one can tell I am carrying extra in my bikini bottoms.  After enjoying the sun and fresh air for a bit I see this couple walking towards me.  He is a tall and very athletic looking black man with just dark trunks on.  Bald with the chest of a statue.  His companion is a very gorgeous and tall woman, white with dark straight black hair.  She has a nice sundress that flows over her sexy body like water.  They walk up to me and he looks at me in a way that gets my tummy fluttering and the rest of me tingling in all the right places.  She leans down and whispers, "We know sister."  He takes my hand and I am lead to their room.

Now in real life I am getting so turned on.  My hand has slipped to my boy clit which is not getting hard, it is staying withdrawn and inside the little hole that I have down there to rub.  I am really getting turned on and just revel in the feelings.

When they get my to their room he strips me and I can smell his body.  I am dizzy and wanting to do whatever he wants.  I don't even think about the fact that my body is not fully female.  He drops the trunks and I see his massive erection.  I bend over at the waist and begin sucking that cock, savoring the taste.  I am in heaven as I feel something being smeared on my asshole.  Soon I feel a cock slide in me.  My mind doesn't even really register that it is her behind me.  It is not a strap on that is fucking me.  I am being overwhelmed.  He guides us to the bed and before I realize what or how, his cock is sliding into the small tight hole where my boy clit is.  Somehow he fits and is fucking me like a real woman.  I feel his shaft against my boy clit and her cock inside my ass.  I am just panting and whimpering at the movement.....

I climax and from around my fingers my cum seeps out.  I am breathing hard and I realize I never had an erection.  I was overcome with emotion.  Between the orgasm and the knowing I had kinda been like a girl at that moment I was just overwhelmed.

Then a sadness came.  It was just in my mind.  No couple that would make me theirs.  No intimacy.  I was alone in my life again.

Alexia

Babbling

My thoughts have been of becoming a transsexual and living my life as a girl but having not transitioned.  I guess listening to Bailey Jay Radio has just allowed me to realize just how much that would mean if I were able to do that much.  I know it is not something I can do....at least where I am right now.  I like the work I do and am at peace there, but I am in a profession where I would be treated as a monster and a harm to those I work with which would just kill me.  It hurts though to realize that so much of me is what the world at large would see as abnormal.  

I do know as Bailey talked about wanting to suck cocks is something I want.  I just have the added desire to lick some real pussies as well.  It would be nice to be able to let my natural personality traits become stronger and female.  I would love to be dressed up and treated as a lady and have my companion hold my hand and us eat a nice dinner and enjoy some entertainment before going home and my total devotion to them being displayed.  I have a feeling right now of wanting to cry.  I want to know what this is like.  To be intimate on these levels.  I feel so trapped sometimes because I have to live up to a male standard that stinks.  I think that one thing wonderful about women is how they can be strong and be vulnerable as well.  I know this is being said in an idealized fashion.  The laws and equality is a long way from where they should be for women.  I just wish I could be released from this prison of a body.

I am sorry.  When I began I did not mean to delve into a pity post.  I feel that is all I write anymore.  Many of you know what I feel and I hate causing you to think about those thoughts.  Sometimes I wish the hypnosis files I had just took me somewhere in my fantasies where I was living as who I see inside.  I could buy pretty underwear and have an easier time shaving.  Maybe I could do better with weight issues.  Depression eating sucks.  I am so moody right now.  Sorry.

I wish I had someone to play with me tonight.  I need to just escape.

Alexia