Dualistic Conflict

I feel like the Boy's Life is drowning me. I get that I have to live and the reality is I can't without money and doing what I have to do, but, I am not able to revel in my life. I just am riding along daily stuff right now. I miss being able to spend time chatting with my friends on YIM. I miss making captions. I miss playing sexy RP's with people. It just seems I am having to stand back and let the facade run while the real me is bond and gagged, but not in a good way.
I can tell you that very soon I am buying a dildo. I hope that I can bring some of the physical nature of my desires to the real world. I want to have this as I fantasize. I can almost imagine lying in bed sucking on my dildo while my fingers play with my boy clitty.
I will get myself back in the swing of things soon I hope. Just know I miss you all and will work hard to return soon.

Kisses,
Alexia

I Miss You All

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

FROM MANIP TO NIP NIP

I hate the title I came up with for this caption, but I guess it is what it is. This is one of many I owe Dementia over at Rachel's Haven. Enjoy. Have a work assignment tomorrow so probably no new posts.

Alexia

Why I Want to Be full of Magic and Power

I see the destruction in Haiti and I want to cry. I also wish I had the powers I dream about having online. If I could do what I imagine on here for real, then I would be there helping to lift the rubble and aid the people that have been so crushed by this disaster.

Remember those who are aiding the people of Haiti. Give if you can to any organization you want to give money. I have an organization to suggest. They are already at work in Haiti, and now will be part of the rebuilding. They are good with the money given. It will go where you want it to go.

I don't want to link, well, because it just doesn't seem proper. This site is not about what they do. So Instead I will write the name and you can copy and paste if you wish.

www.worldvision.org

Alexia

1st Caption of 2010: SNOW BREN

I have started my caption writing again. Here is my first of 2010 and it is of the very special gal Bren. It also is part of my getting the massive list of caption debt I have at Rachel's Haven worked on and gone. I hope you like it.

Alexia

Strong Reation

I have been struggling with this post and the feelings behind it for a couple of weeks now. Even now sitting here at the computer I really just want to go to the bed and lie down rubbing my boy clitty while dissolving in my fantasy and wants. It all comes from a picture on a site that I visit daily. The site is My Darker Side and it provides all kinds of erotic stimulation from pictures and the occasional video that its creator provides. I get so turned on at times imagining the stories behind the pictures. Sometimes I let myself become the story and just revel in the feelings of being what is there in the photo.

Some Days ago a picture appeared that instantly caused me to get dizzy and horny. It was of a young man under an outdoor shower. I never have been turned on by many images of guys. Every now and then, and never has it been something truly part of my sexual makeup outside of truly trusted online friendships. Yet, instantly I wanted to submit myself to him. I wanted to crawl to him and pull that bit of cloth down and wrap my lips around his uncovered cock. It was and is so strong a desire. I have begun dreaming about it and the entire setting.

In the dream something different has occurred. I see through my eyes. Before I have always seen myself as if outside my body. This time I begin looking down at my modest breast covered in a bright multi-colored bikini top and see the faint outline of my dark blue sweat pants below. We are at a lake that has the set up for cleaning up after swimming. I am by myself and want to go over and talk to this yummy guy. I can feel myself blush and I look around and realize we are alone. I walk over to the edge of the lake and make a huge display of pulling my sweat pants down. I make sure to hook my bikini bottoms as well. When I bend over to slip them off my feet I know my pussy is on full display to him. I then untie my top and walk into the lake. I get wet and a bit dirty and then get out and walk over to the shower.

I can see that he is hard. I walk up and slide under the water with him. He wraps his arm around me and we kiss. God does his chest feel so good against mine. I slip along his torso as I lower myself to his groin. Pulling the shorts off him I look up to see my smile reflected by his own. I slowly lick his penis with such love and care as he strokes my wet hair. I wrap my lips around his head and slowly slide my hot mouth over his member. Soon I am sucking and bobbing with a hunger that he can satisfy. He gently pushes my head to him and makes love to my mouth. I feel him tense and then the release of his salty nectar. I swallow every bit of his release and then lean back and look up at him.

So far that is all the dream has revealed to me. I hope it grows. I am not completely sure that if I were to transition I would not be bisexual. I have a strong attraction to women, but as I accept more of who I really am I am finding I want to experience what a man might offer. I have decided upon calm acceptance so far in this new stirring I have. It does give me a great deal to ponder.

I apologize to the ones out there that might get some thrill from my sight as a way of fantasizing about a gorgeous woman. I guess that is the risk you take in reading a non op tgirl blog.

Toddles,
Alexia

Well, I am Working and busy, so that is good I guess.

I have been neglectful in posting I know. I was working some in between holidays. It is a good supplement to the money I get from the other job. The way my health is going I will need it. Bad stuff found out when I went to the Doc the other day. What sucks is I have been eating and not eating like I should. Still, numbers increased and a new pill gets added. The antibiotic I am taking for my sinus infection has affected me too. Been rough.

Add that the holidays are a very sad time for me and I have been just not online. I have had many caption ideas, just no drive to create them. I instead have just laid around and fantasized about sex and being a total pet slave. I also have been feeling so down about my body. I have some sadness about my deformed body that limits my female self.

The desire to have smooth skin, nice pert breasts, a clean shaven slit, and the inviting ass that would make a good holding spot as my Sweet Boy fucked me senseless. So I have had thoughts I guess would make some of you enjoy the reading. I have a big day today. I do hope to get back to posting with better regularity.

Kisses,
Alexia Rose