MAYBE I SHOULD KISS A GIRL: 5 of 5 Rachel's Haven October Contest entry 2009

This is the last of my October Contest Entries. Through my magic I have deduced that this one has so far done the best in the competition of the five. It is a big surprise that it is doing the best of my entries, when no one made comment about it. The look on her gorgeous face is what lent to the inner monologue. I hope I can get you a nice little original caption for tomorrow. Right now I am just gonna try and not think about it being my Birthday.

Alexia

COPULATE! COPULATE!: 4 of 5 Rachel's Haven October Contest entry 2009

You really must say the title in the old Dr. Who villain voices of the Daleks. It will make the caption. This was the first entry I wrote. I had been watching a bunch of EASTWICK on HULU.com and then found the girls pic. It just flowed then. I do owe Playing Petra because she had this pic in her files and I posted a cap before her using it. It happens. One reason the Blog here is cool. One is used at Haven, I can still write a cap for here.

Alexia

BREN'S COSTUME REVENGE: 3 of 5 Rachel's Haven October Contest entry 2009

This entry is where I say Happy Halloween to Rachel's Haven and I do something for my beloved Bren. She is cute isn't she? *sigh* I Love You Bren!

Alexia

Sexuality

What am I? I have been struggling with my inner feelings. I am aroused more by females. I wish I was genetically female and I want to be with a female, but I have developed feelings and desires to be with a man. I have had to think about this.

Am I bisexual? I would say yes, but as a female. Unless I am feminine in form and just still have the birth defect between my legs, I have no desire to be with a guy as I am locked in a guy body. I still want to be with a girl. There is one woman I still would like to be my first kiss, but I know it will never happen. She is too far away and she would never like the ugly me I am here. That is a whole different topic.

No, I am clearing this up. When I think about it, I want a cock in my sex, not my anus. I want to be a girl and I then have the desires to be such a perfect little sex toy. I am understanding that I am a bisexual woman. I am just trapped inside a male prison. I could see myself as a sexy transsexual that has to wait to be whole, but has the curves and soft features.

There is something that is so appealing by having a man take me like an animal. I want to be taken. I want to feel his cock rubbing my clit. I want to ride my man and look into his eyes and see love and adoration for his woman. I would like to be owned by a couple I think. Then I could be happy as the sex toy of both. I do know I could fall for a transgendered person that I meet. I long ago said that I would not worry about who I fall in love with, that at my age it is more important to be happy. Of course the woman I fell for is not able to love me like that at this time, if ever.

Oh well, back to Halloween later.
Alexia Rose

ALEXIA'S HOUSE ELF: 2 of 5 Rachel's Haven October Contest entry 2009

I like making costumes for friends at the Haven. So this year Jillisa gets a nice transformation into an elf. I think she is cute. She wanted bigger breast. I think her breast are lovely myself, but I have a thing for the flexible and and athletically slim bodies. They have a beauty about them that makes me just admire the lines and slight curves of the body. Hope you like this one.

Alexia

A TALE OF PUMPKIN SEEDS: 1 of 5 Rachel's Haven October Contest entry 2009

This is just one of those pics that screamed to be captioned. I used the GIMP ivy paint to make a silly vine frame for the pic and obscure out annoying background static.

Alexia

SERVED: ASIAN GODDESS GIRLFRIEND

Another of the Caption Debt work. I think this is a very pretty woman.

Alexia

NEW HEIFER

I just made this caption as I was working off my caption debt and loved it so much I had to post it here for all of you. I hope you like it. It is a bit different.

*kiss*

Alexia

Halloween is the Bestest!

One day shy. That is how close to being born on Halloween I was and I always felt sad in so ways. See, I would have been a witch if I was born on Halloween. That would have been awesome. I love this time of year. I love giving candy to the cute little kids. I love the spooky stories. I love the idea that magic is strongest on this of all nights. Maybe one day I will actually find a spell to be like this pic I found last year. I would love to be a cute witch that can seduce all the girls and boys that night. Soon you will get my caps for my favorite holiday. I have some originals to do as well. People I would love to be for the night.

Happy Halloween Early!

Alexia

DOLLHOUSE LONDON: BECCA

This one was done for the lovely Rebecca Molay.

SERVED: DEAD BEAT DAD

I am chipping away at the caption debt I have at Rachel's Haven. I built it up during my breakdown last year. It is a large debt and it has so many Haven Members on it. I do want to make it up to them and as I make captions I will post them here so look for them and understand that they are mostly tailored to certain preferences. Next week we will have the submissions to the Haven's October Contest. If you are a member, then I would love for you to go and vote for me. *sigh* It is OK to vote for others that you like. I voted for "HIGH HELL BOOTS & EVEN COWGIRLS GET THE....." captions.

Alexia Rose

Sleek and Shiny

I am feeling better mentally Sweeties, but I still feel the darkness at the corners, so bear with me for a bit longer. I did want to post and I thought I could show you an outfit I wish I had the body for. I think that this latex catsuit tank would be awesome. I wonder what it would feel like to have my pussy pressed tight against that material? I think about running my hands along that shiny material and feel so sleek. I would practice some kind of martial art and be very flexible. Do you think I could get the guys and gals around me to stop and drool? That would be nice. Maybe I could dance on stage with water falling all over me. That would be so sexy. Dream my darlings, dream and hope. One day maybe we will have scientific advancements that will allow for easy transformation and living our lives as they should be. One day maybe we will be accepted and the prejudice against us destroyed. Hope. I say a prayer for many of you each night, and I say general prayers for all those that are struggling out there.

Alexia Rose

I am totally busy right now

I have been busy with work and making entries for the 4th Annual October Halloween Caption Contest. I will share my captions the week of Halloween. If any are Haven readers, make sure you vote once that awesome Bren opens the polls to pick winners. So I am finished with that thing.

This weekend is a big one at work. Two things that I am a big part of so I have much still to do. There is also one of those pesky family things that happen once a year that I am helping with Sunday. It will be a busy weekend.

Still, I wanted to share one of these great latex outfits I found. I would really love to be able to know what that feels like. I am attracted to latex clothes. There is a blue latex mini dress I love that I think is in the archives.

Have a wonderful weekend darlings. I am on an upswing in mood and I hope it stays that way for a bit. Maybe my posts will be better.

Alexia

I Wish I Could

I read a comment on a Blog I follow where the person said how nice it was to just slide a vibrator in and enjoy. I wish I could slide anything in my hole. My boy clitty doesn't push back much, but there isn't the room in there like a real vagina would have. It is hard to rub my clitty in that spot that helps make me feel good too. I so wish I could experience this, I know many in my spot use anal to get off, but many factors make that less enjoyable. I want to be a girl and feel like a girl when my small hole is stimulated. So I just rub and let myself cum in this halfway between way I live and stay frustrated. My birthday is soon and I know what my wish is again this year. *sigh*

Alexia

If you can............then help someone.

I just saw a request by a nice Christian Lesbian on the blog she writes asking for help. She has a friend who is Transgender (F2M) that needs help to obtain completeness. The young man has told his story at the website where donations are being requested. I make no assumptions as to whether anyone who reads this will donate, but if even one does it is a good thing. I am strapped for cash, but maybe in the future I can help.

Many of us know the pain of looking in the mirror and not seeing who we think we are looking back. When he looks below his shoulders he sees two growths that need to be removed. That is what the money is for, to remove the breast. Take a look and see if you can help.

SELF-MADE MAN

Thank You for reading.

Alexia

SAVING THE NIGHT CLUB

Small bit of my digging out of caption debt. Made for two different Haven members, Jayden Fong and Kascey. Hope you like them.

Alexia

Why? continued

I forced myself to get what I had said I would for work. I went through the motions and then came home. I sat down and just felt like crying. I felt tired. I just went and laid down in the darkness of my room. I just didn't feel anything but tired. I think I slept some. I am not sure. I just feel like I did back when I left my job. I feel worthless, which makes no sense. I am so given affirmation at my new job. Those I work with are happy to see me and I don't feel the self hatred after I leave work.

This is coming from somewhere else. The one person I want to talk to I can't. She didn't need or want to be talking or even around me when I was in the midst of very deep depression. I have upset one person who has been there for me. I just don't know how to stop feeling these feelings. They don't even have words. just these feelings of loneliness and despair.

Alexia

Why?

I don't understand why I can't stop being depressed. I should be happy, right? I mean I am not homeless, I am now in a work environment where people appreciate me, I have those online that care about me, but I just still get overwhelmed. It is a strange feeling. Debilitating. The thing is that I know in some ways what is happening.

Last night I probably hurt someone who cares about me a great deal online. I can see why the woman I fell in love with over chat had enough. It is like my mind just can't stop once the feelings begin.

I wanted to just curl up into a ball and disappear last night. My sense of self-worth is zero. I know people think we can just do stuff to be in a better place. We feel alone, just put ourselves out there. Most of us did put ourselves out there over and over when we scrounged enough courage to do so. Most of us got rejected very hard, then we lost our ability to be out there. Well, we somehow would do it again and be knocked down again. It eventually destroys any sense of trying.

I know I have an automatic defense self. It is the person I have become that can just continue on and look normal and fine while I feel terrible deep down inside. Over the years I built this armored individual to exist. The thing is that it doesn't change anything. People around me see the facade. Inside I am drowning in darkness. I see the history of my life and know I will never be kissed in real life. I see that I will never know true love touch. All I see is dying alone, without ever having known what it is like to be cared for by another in real life.

I take my medicine, I pray, I try to hope..........

A

JILLISA IN MY HAND

I Freaking Love FALL!

OK, I am almost over the nasty cold. What is really great is that it has begun getting cool here. I love this time of the year. The leaves are changing, the air gets crisp, and the time for longer sleeves have arrived. I have some things to attend this weekend, but I will be around here. I am working to eliminate the massive caption debt I acquired at Rachel's Haven. You will see the new captions as I finish them. I do want to thank the person who responded to my request for help on the contest. It is an obvious suggestion that really has started to give me a story that is forming. OK, I will finish this update now.

Have a good weekend Darlings.

Alexia Rose