Just wanted to let everyone know I am OK. I know a few people get worried when I am absent too long. I have a temp job that will be taking up much time and also require rest and sleep. My Star would say I am corrupting small minds. Truly, my mind corrupted by her is all I really wish. I have been reading a great set of novels. Inside there is a character who is called a twin soul. She is a woman that was born male and she presents herself as one until they mus flee during a time of war. It started me thinking and pondering feelings inside me.
I feel like her in so many ways. I want to be like her and just become the woman I should be, but I am confined and trapped by the danger it would bring to me. It has made me see things and think on thinks. One being my coming to realize I do not think that I could have sex with a female like the body I wear should. When I look at a beautiful woman, I still think of being with her. The difference is now I accept I want to take my tongue and fingers and use them to make her feel pleasure. Then I grow sad knowing I can never feel the same pleasure and that she would never accept a person like me, and probably no woman could. I am not going to whine.
That is the other thing I have thought about, my sexual nature online and how my mood swings and stuff probably made many who I considered friends and even more to just leave me alone. I do release my depression on here and online a bunch. I guess it is because I have no one in real life to speak to and that I see safety in the people who were around me. The problem comes though from my mixed relationships. Many I have had cyber chat sex with. I t is all the sex and intimate interactions I have had or have. I guess it was not what should have been. My moods changing sometimes or my need to just have some form of intimacy turns or turned some who I cared for away I guess. It hurts and sometimes my damaged and depressed brain uses it to make me feel things that are not real, at least I hope they are not real.
On a good note, I have Farrah hair. My hair is getting longer, it feels nice and even though thin on top, it has that Farrah Fawcett feathering naturally forming. I like that idea. *sigh* I only I could wear that red swimsuit from the famous poster. Still I am working on growing it long and will need to make a decision about trimming for manageability. I have only shared with a few an idea I have for it. If I can, when I get it long enough I want to donate it to Locks of Love and let that be a way to honor one brave woman that means so much to many of us who find safety at Rachel's Haven.
So stay hanging about Sweeties. I miss some of you so much. Wish we were lying on a beach naked and watching the sexy guys and gals walk by, also naked. Yes, Jilly, me and you letting our sun kissed bodies be ogled by those around us. *kiss*
Alexia
