wish for my reality to be real

I am so torn right now.  I am being forced by work to be even more assertive.  It is killing me inside.  I just want to desperately be the little submissive slut I know I am.  Even now after writing something to my mistress i feel the effects of just letting myself go and be really me.  I could sit and be commanded by her or just kneel in her presence.  It would be lovely.

I am also realizing I am very attracted to strong and beautiful women that have cocks.  I see some very pretty women on sites and would wrap my mouth eagerly around their hard shafts.  I can envision being similar, but deep down I know I want to have a real vagina that they could penetrate.

I wish I could be me for real and forever instead of living a trapped life.

Alexia