Recently I have been trying to reconcile my mind. I have a strong desire to be a "real girl" in body and spirit. When I take the online questionnaire about gender I score as neither male or female. I wonder if it is my having to still live as a "boy" that causes this to be. It is at play in my mind. I know I am more flirty and slutty than most girls. I have to be so repressed in boy mode that I think sometimes I overcompensate. What is making me pause is my spirituality. I can fully embrace my beliefs as myself, but in public the boy stays quiet and has me raging inside when issues about same-sex marriage and other topics are discussed. I feel like I am betraying something inside. I wish life were simpler. I wish sometimes we didn't have such complicated views about body and soul. What would it look like if we all were unashamed by the human form. Imagine a world where all shapes were embraced. I wish sometimes for a world where we did not need clothing. A world where we were healthy and the appreciation of all shapes and sizes could be free to have the air caress their skin. Would young people be less likely to cut themselves? Would anorexia and bulimia be eradicated? It is something I wonder about.
I also wonder what life would be like if we could love freely. If we saw each other and embraced and showed affection without regard for some silly rule or false modesty. Sex has such a negative aspect in some ways. Yet, we are driven to have sex. Men are wired to spread genetic material and women feel the drive to have children. Sex feels good, solitary or with others. Why do we deny this natural act?
Yeah, I can be weird.
Alexia
2 comments:
That's not wierd, sugar, that's real. Femmes like us make the biggest flirts and the hottest dates, because we *know* what's sexy... and it's our deepest desire to be the slutty little bitches who create the greatest orgasmic delight in our partners.
Giving pleasure and slutty clothes... the only two things that matter to girls like us!
I can't begin to tell you how my life has changed since the Boy started listening to the Girl. Erin has such a free loving attitude and Scott is so competitive, so stereotypically male, but neither can really live without the other. I feel like a sitcom is playing out inside me, like these two are married in a really creepy, body-sharing, dual-existance situation. God, that's all I can describe it, a SITUATION. And despite everything that happens, without a doubt, these two are better off with each other than without.
I love that you think how life would be without negativity and troubles.. but can we find serenity in the midst of the tempest?
Love,
Erin
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