Dysphoria

I have been feeling a roller coaster of gender dysphoria. I haven't spoken much about this on here because you received my result of these feelings for so long. I realize when I get this way is when I read more porn stories and try to be the woman in the story getting fucked silly. I get very messy as I read and rub. I have become more in tune with my feelings as I am walking forward in wanting to do what can make me more like I should be. 

Gender Dysphoria can be very debilitating. For me it can lead to depression. One of the worst parts of my depression is how ill I get with people. Then I get depressed that I was grouchy. I can spiral pretty fast. I have been feeling more female, if that can make sense. But, I am still carrying the things between my legs. I still have to dress as a man. I still have to shave the growth of hair on my face. I want to just cry. 

While on social media I have received hope, but also a feeling of despair. I cannot comment as my true self. I cannot tell other Trans Women things in a conversation that I totally relate to in so many ways. So I just go up feeling good about being a woman who is in the wrong body for now, to being ashamed of the ugly shell I am trapped in. Feelings of being alone persist. 

I just feel so trapped.

Alexia

Checking In, Changes

Soooooo, I am not sure how much I will be posting. I am settling I guess you can say. I have accepted fully my true self. I mentioned sharing with some IRL that I am a Transgender Woman. I have a super doctor. He is understanding and supportive. I have weighed his cautions about privacy and my own desires to come to a decision. I want to take T-Blockers. My mental health is at risk. I have noticed when I can rid my body of hair I feel happy. When I wear a pair of panties or leggings that fit I feel happy. I want to feel more happy in my life. I hope that blocking testosterone will make some changes to my body. Lessening of hair would be a nice change.

A lower libido is something that happens, but I only have sex online so I figure it might be healthy to lower that bit.  Lower blood pressure, well maybe I drop a medicine I take now. My face could soften so I would love that part. I might grow breast that are shapely. Not the fatty tissue I have now. 

I think that my growth has matured me past my super sex starved gal I was at first. I feel a settling of my mind. I still have sexy slutty desires. I just now can see myself as a woman in the real world. 

I hope to continue to have good updates. I am keeping all the old posts. They are part of my crazy journey. Plus some are pretty sexy.

Love you all.

Alexia Rose.