THE REBIRTH OF JAZZ

Here is my return cap story for autobot5111. Can you guess she is a Transformers fan. As you can tell I did some things slightly different in the way I do a typical return for a Haven Member. I hope you like these.

*kisses*
Aleixa

Things don't get me down as much anymore.....

Let me qualify the title. I am doing much better now than I was this time last year mentally. Sure, I need more cash incoming, but that is not the main difference. I was walking away into the unknown. I had left the security of a paycheck and was not yet realizing I was suffering from a deep depression. I hated myself and everything about me. People around me had helped this grow and grow. I felt worthless and had suppressed much of the core of my being. It was when my personality got shredded that I was able to be come free.

Now I am where my abilities and personality is accepted and appreciated. I can be the geek I am if not the woman. Still, my feminine qualities shine through and those seem to me to enable what makes me good at my job. It is funny that the things about me that make me who I am might also be turned against me in the world. What matters is I am not in the dark hole I was in. I still have dark days and I am not giving the anti-anxiety medicine up just yet. What has changed is that when I walk away from work I feel good. I like that feeling.

Alexia Rose

THE POTRAIT OF ALEXIA GREY

I had requested the pics you see below to be used in a caption for me at Rachel's Haven. This is the fabulous results by autobot5111. She did such a wonderful job that I asked if I could share it with the Blog Readers. It is a 10 cap frame story. It is well worth the read. Later in the week I will post the return cap I did for her at the Haven.

Alexia

One with Nature

I look at this picture and I think back to my childhood. We had a lot of land. There were areas that I could roam naked and know I was just in nature. Now not so much which kinda sucks as I need it more and more.

I would find a place and strip all but my shoes off most times. My feet needed protecting from sharp sticks and briers. I would love to feel the heat of the sun on me. One of my favorite things was to sit in the stream. It was not very big, but in the summer it was cool and I just loved imagining being some magical being.

Honestly, I would think sometimes of turning into a girl. I always kinda pushed the thoughts aside. Yet, there was always a female me as I grew up. She would whisper and if I am truthful, she has helped me survive the depression I have experienced.

Some ask me about my Boy Self. I guess I am responsible for that in a way. To be able to talk about myself sometimes I do split myself into boy and girl. The thing is I do not feel like I have a boy side now. I have an outer appearance and the way I pass in life to others, but I am Alexia. My personality is similar, just less measured as Alexia. In real life I have to pass as a male gender. In myself I am a woman that loves other women and with a strong desire towards a certain online male.

How wonderful it would be to sit in a creek and be naked. Life should be that simple.

Alexia

GIMP version 2 test

A few bugs to work out of the new tool. This is just a generic tinkering I did after downloading a newer version of the GIMP program that I use to make captions. I am getting a bit tired and my head hurts some. Bad allergy time here in my part of the States. I do appreciate everyone that drops by and really love reading the comments left. It surprises me sometimes that there are almost 100 people that have signed up as followers. I hope you all are doing well and that soon I can be less whiny for a bit.

Toodles,
Alexia

Duality

One year ago I was suffering from a deep depression. While it was horrible, it also was tied to the acceptance that I am the wrong gender. Feelings I had never really understood were brought to the fore just before the world as I knew it was spiraling out of control. The boy side lost all sense of identity in many ways I think. He was not working in the profession he had been in anymore. He had reverted back to a childhood room and existence. So I embraced the girl inside completely and reveled in the feelings one side long denied of who I am being free. I am female, I am me. The thing is that the boy had protected me for years and I never really knew it. He still does.

I wear him now as protection from a world that would not treat me the same if I were to reveal the true me. He works again, but I know that it is my talents inside that makes him successful. I have to figure out how to be him again almost. I have to learn how to be two in one. He is the protector still.

What is difficult is my growing feelings of being made love to like the real me. I realize I have bisexual drives. I am attracted to women, yet if I were physically different, I could fall so easily for a guy. I have been imagining having a cock between my legs in a much different way. It is pleasurable to feel loved like this, as a woman. I am not sure what it all means. I am not sure if I will ever be able to transition. I feel like a trapped Cinderella waiting for a fairy godmother to change me into the princess I feel like inside.

Alexia Rose

I stay so horny all the time

I have just been so aroused lately. I seem to always have a finger or two in my sex or rubbing around my sex. I found this pic of my favorite woman. I would love to be able to spread my legs for my lover like that.

What I wonder is about the idea that being horny thinking about having a complete female body means? Some people would say it is a fetish, but I know deep inside I would rather have a vagina than the phallic thing I was born with years ago.

I think really I just feel more in touch with my sexuality. I know I would be a bit slutty. I just imagine having smooth and long legs that I can wrap around my lovers. I want nipples that harden and throb. The feeling of a penis entering me or a sweet tongue licking me, those would be feelings I would adore.

I am going to get some new captions soon, well as soon as I can get my fingers out of my pussy.

Alexia

Mixed Emotions

I mentioned having a Hypnosis session Thursday. Well it was good and kinda not. As I said the session was amazing. I was so tranced, yet able to remember it all. Then the invite to join a bunch of others in a multiple chat. Well I could feel my state of being under lifting. It also was just mainly sitting and reading what was written. I am unsure what to do. How to bring this up without hurting anyone's feelings. OK, so it was part good and part not so good. Doesn't change the fact I am tired and need to do so much in life as myself and the boy I am forced to be.

Alexia

Anticipation

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I like this Picture

I so wish I could be her right now. I would love to be in that position of love and romance in my life.

Alexia

Checkin' In

Hey Sweeties! I have been busy and well, I made a promise to myself to not be tied to the computer. I want to think of ways to provide cool posts for you. I am so behind on caption returns it is not funny. I need to take a day to make sure those at Rachel's Haven get the returns they deserve.

I had a very nice fantasy the other day. My Sweet Boy and I had a talk where I was in a morose mood. He mentioned a fantasy he had that we could maybe play. In it he mentioned I was his girlfriend. What is so funny is that for me that would be enough of a fantasy. I began to daydream after we said bye for the morning.

I imagined him coming up to me and placing gentle kisses on my neck as I washed the dishes. I turn and he kisses me while wrapping his arms around me. I feel so safe and loved. Soon we are naked and he is lowering me to the bed. I know we are going to make love and can feel the blood fill my sex. He kisses me and our tongues caress. My nipples are so hard and when his chest crushes down on them I just shiver.

We look at each other and our eyes are locked as he lines the tip of his penis up to my sex. I gasp as he slowly enters me and I feel all of him throbbing against the walls of my vagina. He rocks in a slow and steady rhythm in and out of me. It is like waves washing over the beach. I am flushed and hot. We just make love and I know he is the man for me. My soul mate, my protector. Life becomes perfect in that moment.

I then noticed I was fingering myself and I was about to cum. I was so close and the moment the juices flowed I was spent. It was one of those moments when I was living like I wished. Real Life was me completely as a woman.

Sorry I rambled. Hope it was OK.

Alexia

*BIG Sigh*

I just watched something on Hulu.com that sadly will only run through August 13th. It is a documentary about online gamers and the life inside the computer. It is not that different from what I have found. I became able to leave the birth defect of my body and live as a girl. One thing they mentioned in the film was how people seem to become the person on the inside. I guess that is right.

It would also make me a very horny girl. I was just reading a caption that was made for me at the Haven and it had a woman that so matched the image I see in my mind. I realized it made my reach to try and feel my slit. Sadly the deformity that stays withdrawn was there. I do seem to finger myself a great deal. I love thinking about being loved and made love to by either a dear man I know online or some women. I think about being their Pet. I so deeply desire to become my online self.

Apparently that is common of gamers. Makes sense. Many of my Sisters at the haven would trade and switch lives if they could. Inside me is a woman who wishes to love and be loved. She was always there and accepting her has helped me greatly. I know that for now I am still the ugly boy on the outside, but the inside is wonderfully me.

*kiss*

Alexia Rose

Would you?

I really would like to be your gal. I decided to come over here today to talk to you about it. I dream about you all the time. I picture us taking our clothes off and touching each other all night long. You are surprised? Why Sweetie? You know I have liked you for such a long time. I know I love you and I want to be with you. That is why I came in my sexy red top and my tight jeans. I know you like this look. Want to know something? I am not wearing any underwear. This top and these jeans are all that is between us. Seriously, I have no undies on! You don't believe me hunh? Well I guess I will just have to show you.

See? My titties are all tight right? You see I have no bra. Now that my jeans are gone you see I have no panties either. I have a wet slit. Want a taste? Oh come on, just lick my finger. Please. There you you go. You like that don't you. I always seem to be wet around you. You make me feel really sexy and good. Let me kiss you. See that was nice. I seem to be almost naked, here let me get you caught up. You are so sexy darling. I just love to run my hands over your body.

Do you want to touch me? I like rubbing my breast, but I would much rather have you rub them. You are ready to be with me aren't you? Let's go to the bedroom Sweetie. I want to make love with you all night long. I want to wake in your arms and know we are together forever. I Love You.



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I felt like writing a fantasy for some of you who read my Blog and think about this with me. I hope all of you enjoy it and really it is just something different as I wind a week of domestic chores down.

Alexia

ARTIFICIAL GIRL DREAMS by Angie

This is an excellent little cap that was placed in my Trade Folder at Rachel's Haven by Angie. She does great captions as you can see here. Enjoy!

Alexia