Tired

I have thought in the weeks since coming home from being in the hospital, did I subconsciously want to die?  It fits how I feel sometimes.  I am tired.  I am just ready to fade into nothing.  I am watching my sugar and doing stuff to stay healthy, but I really just want to be that woman on the bed.  I am close when I am able to spend time with Mistress Kayla.  She has allowed for some break from the life I dread most days.

I love letting go and just giving my mind to her.  I was so entranced the other day I think I orgasmed because of the feelings she was drawing forth.  Going back and reading the IM I saw a moment when I think the idea of total submission was a trigger to being what I wish.  I want to just be naked and obedient and in pure bliss because I am a good girl for my Owner.

I know I am tired of life.  I look and see a lonely future where I am still a virgin and never know an intimate touch in reality.  It hurts.  At least on some days Mistress Kayla can free me from that feeling.

Alexia