existing

pretty much what i said in may is still true.  just writing to let those that care know i am still living.

Alexia

wish for my reality to be real

I am so torn right now.  I am being forced by work to be even more assertive.  It is killing me inside.  I just want to desperately be the little submissive slut I know I am.  Even now after writing something to my mistress i feel the effects of just letting myself go and be really me.  I could sit and be commanded by her or just kneel in her presence.  It would be lovely.

I am also realizing I am very attracted to strong and beautiful women that have cocks.  I see some very pretty women on sites and would wrap my mouth eagerly around their hard shafts.  I can envision being similar, but deep down I know I want to have a real vagina that they could penetrate.

I wish I could be me for real and forever instead of living a trapped life.

Alexia

Wow...I knew I had been gone a while

I have been away so long.  Probably many have forgotten all about me or figured I just stopped being.  I have a second job and it requires me to be so in charge I think it causes me to not have energy to be in the world.  I know I lack time to feel like the submissive I am.  The other day my Mistress that has taken me as her Pet allowed me to just be.  It was nice not having a mind other than to obey her.  She is perfect, a woman with both a cock and pussy.  When she uses me I can be me.

I watched a film online where a woman became a true pet.  She lived as his puppy type human pet and it was so perfect.  He loved and protected her until the people he was involved with that shared his kink tried to take her.  It was sad when she died.  The only part missing for me was servicing both the Master and his Mistress in this film.

I am sad a great deal.  I know I will never know what it is like to have a true physical intimacy as myself.  Online is it and after that time ends when it happens I feel empty.  I know I let Mistress down because when she has finished I check out.  My mind becomes sad and tired and I just want to cry.  I guess I am like many girls out there who know they will never be fulfilled in life because they are trapped in a prison of male flesh.

Alexia