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Hey Darlings!
I am sorry for the lack of updates recently. I must confess, a cold, the job, and Armor Games have derailed me. Bubble Tower Tanks and Sushi Cat are very addictive. I have been really swamped with real life, which is odd as I am more comfortable in my own mind as a hidden Tgirl. That is how I consider myself I guess. I am a girl that is hidden inside this deformity called a male body. I know that any transition to become a girl on the outside will destroy my profession, which now that I am in a better place, I have found joy in again.
My own doubt and insecurities make me doubt how good I am at it much of the time. But every now and then I get a great day and it reminds me that I make a difference in the lives of the people I work with. If they knew I was a girl inside, the prejudice would destroy that so I have to keep my secret.
I did find some awesome panties on sale at Target. They are Hanes Boy Briefs. They are so soft and ride up very little. The deformity between my legs fits somewhat and I am really happy when I wear them. I have this feeling of rebellion against a society that makes us not be who we are and can be. I am fixated on the possibility of being female to the point of body except for the deformity. I am in love with Kimber James. Not exactly happy with her new breast, but I get it for the industry side of things, I just liked the natural look she had. I am rambling now hunh?
OK, well, I have a big weekend with a work thing and the parent has a medical scan to get to so I better scoot to the shower. That has become my fantasy place. Somehow I am able to actually run my hands over my body in there and feel the girl body. Not sure if it is a hypno side effect, but I love it. When I run my fingers over my slit and feel my nub, well, you can guess what happens. I love the shower. I even have been imagining my Sweet Boy washing and then taking me in there. I have to wash twice a lot lately.
Thank you to all that care and worry about me. I have been so far from you all lately and I feel ever so guilty. Jillisa, I really miss you bunches. I hope you are well. Email me if you me my Sweetie.
*Kisses*
Alexia Rose
I have a terrible cold. Went in from really cold weather to way too hot buildings too much. Plus was out in way cold wind. It has rocked me. I am slipping into jammies and resting. Drinking OJ and hopped up on cold meds. So I am having a bang up V-Day.
Alexia
I heard this on the radio this morning.
What Bird represents wisdom?
Owl.
What bird represents love?
Dove.
What bird represents true love?
Swallow.
That made me giggle. Then I just thought about how true that statement is for so many.
I am so very busy. I did want to give you so image to think of while I was away for the next few days. Here is one of my avatar gal Justine.
I wish I could know what this was like. I mean to have a hard and powerful machine fucking my pussy would be an experience I want to have so very bad. I would love to just have this type of machine hooked up and giving me orgasm after orgasm. Look at those awesome boots. I could see myself in them and a tight short latex dress. One that went above my knee to my neck, completely encasing my torso. Tight sleeve of latex and gloves as well would be such a turn on. No panties of course. Then my lover could have easy access to my treasure. Oh well, off to work. I so wish to have inspiration and time to caption. I have too many pics and need to clear my computers memory.
Kisses Darlings!
Alexia
Been Snowing and power was out a bit. Been vegetating in the house. Be updating more soon. I hope to get the caption bug going again soon too.
Alexia
It has been so long since I went to bed with a wet pussy. I just had the best time with my Sweet Boy in a bit of role play sex. He made me feel so good. I wore my collar and I got so wet. It was wonderful. I like that now my fingers rub a squishy clitty. I like to feel this good. Bedtime, I hope I dream of being with him and just keep this feeling.
MMMMMMM,
Night Night Darlings
Alexia
I watched the movie Gamer. I cannot escape the feeling of wanting to become a controlled woman. I would love to let someone "play" me. I think letting you have control would be wonderful. Would you find me a cock to suck? Would I be with a couple of girls making out? I would hope you would let me be a stripper. I just love the feelings I have had when I let go in YIM and I am completely subservient to someone. My Sweet Boy has done a wonderful job at times truly taking me to the place I want to be. I wish he would now.
I have had a bad night. It took I I had to walk away from a fight with the parent and I had to take one of the quick acting anxiety meds. I have felt so bad and just wanted to not exist. Maybe that is one of the things I want, someone to keep me from ever giving in to the bad thoughts. I wish he would email me a message and trigger his Pet to do something just for him. I wish he could take me as his personal pet to live with him forever.
He has someone special and I have dreamed of being there for both of them. I care about him alot. What I guess would be hard for many to understand is I love him and want them to be together and live a happy life. Yes, I have a selfish fantasy that I could be their live-in pet-slave. I would be there for them as a sexual release and as they need me to look after the family. I want him to have what I feel I will never have.
Sorry, I wanted to write something that you could think of all the sexy ways you might use me. I hoped maybe even you would comment or email me with you fantasy of controlling me. I guess I am just too into the bad thoughts right now.
Your Slave,
Alexia
We are coming to that most dreaded of all holidays for me, Valentine's Day. It is a sad time. One where Life just seems to want to remind me how lonely I am. I have been thinking about Love though. Whether I can ever be truly intimate with someone? If I fall in love I hope I can be Alexia with them. I hope they understand why I don't get erections like my body's outward appearance should. I hope they get that my genitals are deformed and not like they should be. I think about what it would be like to be almost fully female, and yes I am starting to hurt when I think of the term She-Male. It would be nice to find someone I could be held by and that would understand that I was born in the wrong shell.
I wonder if that is even possible. Maybe online is the only place I will ever find intimacy. Is that a sad thing? Can I truly be happy with only an online mate? If it is My Star, then yes. I know it would be painful, but I would be willing to do whatever she wants and be the woman she deserves if she ever said we could be together.
It is funny, but she is the first woman I have ever really felt a strong bond with. I have cared for women, really had strong emotions, but there is something different with My Star. Part of me knows that any woman that might happen across me in the world of flesh and blood will have competition. I love My Star still, and even though I have pulled back so much, I ache to be close to her.
Alexia
Hey Darlings!
