Had to Take Emergency Pill

My Dad has no idea what his little tantrums do to me.  I try and balance living here with the way he blows up at stupid things or when I am off in the head.  Today on top of growing dression we had a fight.  It left me spiraling into thoughts of wanting to be dead.  I took the Clonazepam this time.  My mind is slow right now.  I spent all day in the dark and in the bed.  Just another pitiful day in my life.  

I got messages from Star, she was sick, which is one of the things I figured.  Figure some of the people I asked about her knew that and just decided not to tell me.  So that feels good.  I really am only struggling to move forward because of what it might do to the kids I work with, but really.....I just want to go to sleep.

During my laying down today, I wondered what it would mean about those that know Alexia.  There is no one to let anyone know if I am gone.  Figure most just would move on and not miss me.  It is funny how I miss people, but I don't even know.