My Sweet Boy says I am too wrapped up with the idea of being in love. That my desire for someone to spend my life with is hurting me. He is probably right. I know I place a great deal of thought on not having someone that loves me like that and all. Still, I it wrong to want to be loved? Maybe I do think too much about it sometimes.
I thought maybe I would have that this year. Maybe I could have if I had been wired different and not such a mess. I wish I could have been the woman that she needed me to be to be the one she could love. My heart is conflicted right now. I want to create something special for her, yet I don't want to upset where we are now. I can talk with her and not cry afterward. My hearts still aches with love for her. She saved my life, she would shake her head, but she did. I was spiraling into a place I have never fell before. I needed someone who loved me enough to not love me. She held me as I dangled over the abyss of my depression.
My heart knows that she really did care about me. I had never had anyone love me like that. Now that she is still in my life I don't want to lose her again. I know she knows I would do anything in my power for her. If I could answer any request she has, then it is hers.
*sigh*
Alexia
1 comment:
I'm not going to pretend to understand exactly what you're going through, but I have had boughts with depression, and have been able to make them less frequent as time goes by.
Take it day by day and keep trying to move forward in life. Every new thing that you experience has a chance of being exactly what you need, and even if it's not maybe it will change your view of the things you already have.
It may be cliche, but live in the now and try to fully experience the little things. I still have backwards slides every now and again, but it's not every other day like it used to be. So, to be cliche again, keep your chin up kid :) Hope you feel better soon. And keep the cap train rolling woo
Post a Comment