I have been reading my comments to the previous post. I want to continue with my own feelings and just say that it seems we all suffer in our own ways, but it is nice to have the Internet. I would have never accepted the truth I knew inside and would not understand some of the whys as to how I am.
Alone gave me the push to continue the inner feelings I have. It was the talk about hurt. I would use the word ache for myself. Their are days I ache to really experience things as the me I want to be. I am lucky in a way. The woman I talk about falling in love with here a great deal, she is my friend, who I do love immensely. She has always answered any question I have asked, no matter how silly it might sound. She tells me when I am off base about things and graphically explains other things. I am lucky that I can ask her these things. It gives me comfort.
Still, I ache to know what it would be like to wear a dress like in this picture. I dream of breast that are formed well and skin that is smooth with a less coarse hair. I want to lie out in a bikini in the sun. Double ended dildos are fascinating to me and I would love to share that experience with someone. I want to be held in someones arms with the knowledge that I am their girl. I ache to slide my hand inside my own vagina and feel a real clitoris. I want to wear a skirt and cute knee socks. I ache to dance at a strip club. I know in reality it is not glamorous, but I would like to experience it.
I get the feelings of incompleteness. I believe it is why I and so many others of our community deal with depression. We have these pent up feelings and they go unresolved and manifest in less than positive ways. It is one reason I believe some day I will be in a place to help those like me, openly.
On a positive note, I messaged someone the other day who is a wonderful young lady. She transitioned some time ago and is a stunning woman. I had not spoken to her and just dropped a IM through the Haven. The reply was "In Milan with the wife...." It makes me happy to know some of us can live as we are inside and out. Life does not have to be this dark hole we sometimes feel we are in.
I hope in some way at least my Blog can help be a part of the connectedness we have grown on the Internet. I appreciate all of you who read the Blog and those that comment as well. We are all in this together. We are not alone.
*BIG HUG*
Alexia
2 comments:
You have the most difficult blog in this community...it's full of sturm and drang and complicated feelings. It's very hard to ingest, and even harder to know how to respond to.
I just want you to know, that the woman you show in your posts...I know that's not you, it's some model, and you've talked about her before. But, when I read your blog, I think that's you. I think, that woman's Alexia, and she's the one writing this. And the man in me thinks, I want to fuck her...I want to take my big cock, my big superior cock and fuck her the way she craves. And the woman in me says, I want to be her, I want to take her place, and feel her feelings, and know her experiences first-hand as she knows them, and I'll become her, as she becomes me.
So, you're very much successful, on some level, in becoming the woman you want to be. To me, and probably to many others, you are that woman. And I hope you take comfort in that.
Love you,
Vickie
I love your blog so much Alexia. Like you said, it reminds us that we are not alone. And I know everything you write here is not always positive in nature, but it gives me comfort. The things I feel and long to experience are not just things that I alone harbor inside me. There is so much comfort in reminders that I am not alone, that we are not alone. So thank you again for your your blog from the bottom of my heart. :)
May all your dreams come true one day.
*Hugs*
Isobelle
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