Who am I?

I have had to question that for a good while now. I wish I had come to this realization of just why I have always felt a bit off. It is easier I believe if I had dealt with all these questions about my being female and trapped in this boy body when younger and able to maybe start transitioning. I know many probably think I am a big phony. I am at peace with that because I am seeing who I am inside and trying to make sure the best of my female side can be part of my everyday "boy life" and not feel so conflicted.

I know for certain that this is not a fetish I have. I also know the window to have done anything about it might have passed. Many get the surgery late in life, but as with many I have issues of family and money and profession to consider. Still I am learning more about who I am.

One aspect of my life is spirituality. I am a Christian. I am a Non Op Trans Woman and that would be frowned upon. In fact I would probably be called many things I am not. Which would hurt me greatly since I love the work I have done with children and literally would give my life to keep them safe. To think of being accused of harming those precious little souls is so hurtful.

I have been looking and reading some scripture and I had totally skipped over the fact that the first person you ever seen or recorded as being baptized into the Christian faith is a Eunuch. Now before you scratch your head, Jesus was not Baptized into Christianity, it was a Jewish version of the act that His cousin John performed. This occurs in the Acts of the Apostles. Phillip gets this vision to travel a certain way and he comes upon a Eunuch of the court of Candice. He is reading a scroll of the prophet Isaiah. He wants to know what it means, Phillip tells him, he ask about there being water and Phillip baptizes him. Then God just whisks Phillip away and that is the story.

So what does that have to do with the Transgendered? Well, a Eunuch is sorta a Transgendered person. Some were forced into the role, others actually chose it. The thing is that right there is a clear fact that a Transgendered person was baptized. So I guess we are children of God she said smugly. OK, it has some theological study still to do, but in the Gospels there was mention by Jesus about those that had lost there equipment. I know it really is amazing what is in the Bible right?

I have never doubted my faith in God, myself yes, but not God. See, God has proven His love and protection many times over. The thing is I am struggling with the feelings that sometime in the future God is gonna ask me to help my Trans Brothers and Trans Sisters out. I know that this will lead to theological discussions. So I need to sort the facts and feelings out so I can be there when I am needed.

You probably think I am even more crazy than I normally am, but its OK. I am still figuring all the ins and out that make up Alexia. The struggle continues and the journey is long. Anyway. I hope you are all doing well. I started writing my book today so I am kinda excited. So much seems bad in my life, but I did take a step.

Ta Ta Darlings!
Lady Alexia