Life Stinks!

I use to believe things. I believed that right always triumphed over wrong. I use to think that good triumphed over evil. I use to think that if you did what you were suppose to do that you could at least live a life that was livable. I use to think love was something I would find one day. I want to give up.

My own sense of honor and duty will not let me. I still hurt when I see people in need, even as I have nothing. I look at the job I left and how I tried to protect a people that cared nothing for me or the purpose we existed for at that place. I see now that if you care you get used and abused. The world belongs to those that covet power and bully others. Destroying your neighbor is what the world wants. I saw hope for a bit again. Hope is a lie.

There is no hope, only different levels of despair. I wonder why God hasn't just shown me how to leave this world and be done with it. There would at least be space for someone else to be torn apart. I wish sometimes I had the courage to do it myself. That scares me.

I use to be scared of the darkness. Now the peace and silence seems to be the only place that I don't hurt so bad. It is a warm blanket that I can hide under as the world continues to cut at me. I am nothing. Maybe once I was a source of good and light in the world, but I have been shown where I belong. I was taught that no good deed goes unpunished. I am now out of the fight. I see how it is just useless to think that life is something that can ever be wonderful.

You should be careful. They will get you too.

Alexia