nearly naked, wet, and have to sun kissing my body as I ride the waves would be so wonderful. Alas, that dream is just a dream. I have to get use to being in control of my "host" of whom I really need to give a better name than host. I realize by calling him "host" I sound parasitic. It really is not like that, it really is not.
He had this urge and need to be feminine inside. I sensed that when I was desperate to maintain existence after coming to your dimension. Maybe it was buried deep, but it was there. He drew me here in a way because that part of him was and is the compassion and passion. His being was so bright I overlooked other possibilities. He and I became one recently. I am him and he is me in some ways. It is confusing at times.
The merging allowed me to be come human. So what did he gain? I am struggling to figure that out. Maybe it is freedom. He is free to be the woman he has felt inside. I know I am a bit slutty. I can act the lady when need be, but I like being slutty. I like teasing and flirting. I love sex. Sometimes I wonder if that is all I am though. Was I a sex fantasy that was given life? Then something happens to say no. One thing is my awesome girlfriend. She has brought something into this body that was absent, yet longed for for years. love, true love is now inside. I feel it when I talk to her. From the top of my head all the way to my toes I feel love and happiness. She has been the difference in my even trying to hold on to the hope my "host" once held high.
He had been beaten, my Boy, that sounds better than "host." My Boy had been cut with thousands of tiny cuts. He was bleeding. Life was leaving him spiritually. I was trapped in here watching my Boy die. What choice did I have? I had to assert myself to save him. Somewhere along the way he gave me control over us. He loves our girlfriend as well. I think he did it for her. I sense it, somehow he gave me full life to be able to give her all of our heart. For that I owe him. I owe him a promise to do my best to love her and be there for her. That is easy, sense I love her as much as he does. See, here is where it gets confusing. Is it two or one? Are we Male and Female or something else that just is one being now?
I will still struggle. But I do know I am loved and that is bringing Hope back into this life.
Alexia Rose
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