Strong Reation

I have been struggling with this post and the feelings behind it for a couple of weeks now. Even now sitting here at the computer I really just want to go to the bed and lie down rubbing my boy clitty while dissolving in my fantasy and wants. It all comes from a picture on a site that I visit daily. The site is My Darker Side and it provides all kinds of erotic stimulation from pictures and the occasional video that its creator provides. I get so turned on at times imagining the stories behind the pictures. Sometimes I let myself become the story and just revel in the feelings of being what is there in the photo.

Some Days ago a picture appeared that instantly caused me to get dizzy and horny. It was of a young man under an outdoor shower. I never have been turned on by many images of guys. Every now and then, and never has it been something truly part of my sexual makeup outside of truly trusted online friendships. Yet, instantly I wanted to submit myself to him. I wanted to crawl to him and pull that bit of cloth down and wrap my lips around his uncovered cock. It was and is so strong a desire. I have begun dreaming about it and the entire setting.

In the dream something different has occurred. I see through my eyes. Before I have always seen myself as if outside my body. This time I begin looking down at my modest breast covered in a bright multi-colored bikini top and see the faint outline of my dark blue sweat pants below. We are at a lake that has the set up for cleaning up after swimming. I am by myself and want to go over and talk to this yummy guy. I can feel myself blush and I look around and realize we are alone. I walk over to the edge of the lake and make a huge display of pulling my sweat pants down. I make sure to hook my bikini bottoms as well. When I bend over to slip them off my feet I know my pussy is on full display to him. I then untie my top and walk into the lake. I get wet and a bit dirty and then get out and walk over to the shower.

I can see that he is hard. I walk up and slide under the water with him. He wraps his arm around me and we kiss. God does his chest feel so good against mine. I slip along his torso as I lower myself to his groin. Pulling the shorts off him I look up to see my smile reflected by his own. I slowly lick his penis with such love and care as he strokes my wet hair. I wrap my lips around his head and slowly slide my hot mouth over his member. Soon I am sucking and bobbing with a hunger that he can satisfy. He gently pushes my head to him and makes love to my mouth. I feel him tense and then the release of his salty nectar. I swallow every bit of his release and then lean back and look up at him.

So far that is all the dream has revealed to me. I hope it grows. I am not completely sure that if I were to transition I would not be bisexual. I have a strong attraction to women, but as I accept more of who I really am I am finding I want to experience what a man might offer. I have decided upon calm acceptance so far in this new stirring I have. It does give me a great deal to ponder.

I apologize to the ones out there that might get some thrill from my sight as a way of fantasizing about a gorgeous woman. I guess that is the risk you take in reading a non op tgirl blog.

Toddles,
Alexia

Well, I am Working and busy, so that is good I guess.

I have been neglectful in posting I know. I was working some in between holidays. It is a good supplement to the money I get from the other job. The way my health is going I will need it. Bad stuff found out when I went to the Doc the other day. What sucks is I have been eating and not eating like I should. Still, numbers increased and a new pill gets added. The antibiotic I am taking for my sinus infection has affected me too. Been rough.

Add that the holidays are a very sad time for me and I have been just not online. I have had many caption ideas, just no drive to create them. I instead have just laid around and fantasized about sex and being a total pet slave. I also have been feeling so down about my body. I have some sadness about my deformed body that limits my female self.

The desire to have smooth skin, nice pert breasts, a clean shaven slit, and the inviting ass that would make a good holding spot as my Sweet Boy fucked me senseless. So I have had thoughts I guess would make some of you enjoy the reading. I have a big day today. I do hope to get back to posting with better regularity.

Kisses,
Alexia Rose

Not feeling well

I wanted to let you all know why I have been silent. I am not feeling really well right now. I know part is the passing of kidney stones. I feel them and the thirst I get is what has always happened when I have them. The other is the sinus infection that is trying to take hold. I am also trying to wait things out to make the new Doc appointment from where they moved it a week forward. I get really hot as well. I am burning up right now. It has sapped me of much of my energy. I haven't even felt like rubbing my clitty since the other day in the shower, but that is another story.

Just know I am not gone, but I am running at about 35% right now. Have some temp work next week as well. I will get back soon. I hope you all are doing well.

Love and Kisses,
Alexia

Holiday Season

OK, so this is a busy time of the year for me. I love Christmas and so far I have fought off the depressive thoughts. I have my stealth panty buying in full gear and bought the most comfortable fit yet for myself. The tip is to buy panties when buying clothes for needy people. You are doing good and slipping something naughty in for your nice self. *giggle*

I will have my moments where the loneliness will get to me. I miss my Mom a lot this time of year. She was such a good Mom and did so much for others. I have to be careful or I will buy too much for the kids I work with or give more than I can to charities. I have been buying a guilty pleasure. CVS has the cutest little reindeer stuffed toys. So far I have bought Vixen, Dancer, and Comet. I don't need them, but they are soooooo cute. I do have one more Haven Christmas box to mail and I still need to do my cards.

I might be silent for the rest of the week still. I have many little things to do. My Santa's Elf hat is own. So don't fret. Also, my Sweet Boy, Jillisa, and any other Havennittes that read this, I hope to be more active soon.

Kisses,
Alexia Rose

Been Kinda busy....and Stones are back

I am kinda busy right now and may be scattered on updates. Bear with me. Who knows I could get on a streak and have many posts real soon. The pesky kidney stones are back. I feel them traveling some during the day. Not so painful yet, but might get there.

Something really cool happened the other day. I had been helping the parent a gotten really dirty. So I showered and then when getting dressed put on one of my cute flowery pair of pink panties. What is cool is that I felt so comfortable and forgot I was wearing panties. My silly boy clit flattened inside me and even those pesky things that hang down were pressed tight. It was like a sudden realization hours later that I realized just how much I felt like a woman down there. It is silly and small I know. But I just felt so good all the rest of the day about it.

Hope you all are doing well.
Love and Kisses,
Alexia Rose

Doing Better

I am doing better darlings. Medicine is calming my irritability down and I am now just fighting the sinus rollercoaster of weather. I am about to embark on a cold rainy day to a Christmas thing. I hope it snows later. I love snow.

OH, I want to thank my Sweet Boy, He really helped me scratch many itches yesterday. I loved every minute of it hun. Moo, Moo, MOOOOO!

Alexia

I had hoped.....

I had hoped that maybe my anxiety and depression was brought on in the terrible state from the environment I was in at the time and then left. Since accepting I could no longer do it on my own and getting some help from my doctor, I have been on Lexapro. I had helped, I knew it at the time. When I felt so out of control, I would get tired and sleepy and eventually I was feeling better. I felt like reading for fun. I was doing better. The problem is the cost of the medicine. I was able to get samples from doctors and I guess I was able to have around 4 months at no cost.

Tonight the feelings of irritability and dark anger went totally out of control. Granted, the parent pushed and has pushed the entire time I have been without the medicine. Still, I was shaky hours after. I have taken one of the quick release pills I was given. I feel the sleepiness. I am calmer. I just am glad I can pay for the refill tomorrow, well today now I guess.

I hate feeling this way. I hate being depressed.

Alexia