I forced myself to get what I had said I would for work. I went through the motions and then came home. I sat down and just felt like crying. I felt tired. I just went and laid down in the darkness of my room. I just didn't feel anything but tired. I think I slept some. I am not sure. I just feel like I did back when I left my job. I feel worthless, which makes no sense. I am so given affirmation at my new job. Those I work with are happy to see me and I don't feel the self hatred after I leave work.This is coming from somewhere else. The one person I want to talk to I can't. She didn't need or want to be talking or even around me when I was in the midst of very deep depression. I have upset one person who has been there for me. I just don't know how to stop feeling these feelings. They don't even have words. just these feelings of loneliness and despair.
Alexia
3 comments:
It feels like a flood, a dark, cold, flood that washes over you and immobilizes you. I try to keep in mind that it will leave me again, like the tide. In a few days or week I will be able to think more clearly again, and when that happens, hope returns.
Rebecca
give it some time...
The night is darkest just before the dawn.
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