Is it the Holiday or am I getting better?

Maybe it is that the medicine is working or just the Holiday spirit in the air, but I feel better and almost like smiling sometimes now. I still miss Thumper so bad at times my chest aches. I still have a life that is filled with so much that is depressing, but I can smile some. My friend and Master that plays and just holds me when I need it is so good to me. I have friends that love me. In a few days I know a better man will lead my nation.


I even can see the day I would transition. It still is fantasy, but I can imagine it as possible. I mean I probably am not ever going to have a significant other to worry about. I can see if when some family pass away I might do it. I know that is morbid, but they really would not understand this need to become totally me. It may never happen, but just seeing it in my mind comforts me somehow. I also am defining spiritually what it means to accept that I am really a girl. It makes me feel better and I hope I will be able to fight the darkness more.


Lady Alexia