I was doing so well.....

One day is all it takes. One day to take me back to the shackles and the bonds that lock me in darkness. I hate myself and I hate my life. I am just existing and not even worth the space that contains me. I know in the back of my mind I am cared for, but what does that matter when I just seem to be nothing but a useless being. The house is so cold. There are no Christmas lights. There is no joy. It is just a cold and loveless place where I am verbally reminded I have no place here every day. I have no room. I have no bed. I have nothing. So why should I even exist. These are the thoughts the medicine is battling. I serve so admirably in times of crisis, do small things to help. Then after my aid is given and I am used up, I am reminded how useless I really am by the one person who should see I am not well. I feel like I am about to drown in darkness. It would be so easy to just let go, let go and rest, stop fighting. Just let go and sleep.

Alexia