skip to main |
skip to sidebar
Some days I feel such a strong feeling of dysphoria. My body is just so wrong. I really hate testicles. My boi clit is small. It does not intrude the way those disgusting things that hang there do. I hate them. I hate feeling them between my legs. I think if I could afford the operation I would get rid of them. I have had a thought about how we took them from the bull calves we had, but that might be too painful and not work well. No, not self mutilation, we put these really small bands around them and they fell off.
I hate hair on my body. I have removed hair on my legs enough with creams that they are now smoother, just some areas still fighting to return. I wish my torso was like that. I have to try and keep a handle on it. I can say that becoming very smooth helps lessen my dysphoria. I feel so much more like myself. I am feeling so emotional right now as I think about it.
Halloween is coming. The time I should be able to dress more like me. I have a training thing that is about helping to know how to speak and treat people like me. I hope that it helps me learn more about my community and all those in it. I am seeing just how the other letters fit into the spectrum of the shared community. I want to be a good member. I am hoping I can dress a bit mixed in the clothes I choose. I do want it to be very cool as I bought this awesome blanket wrap that looks like something from a spaghetti western.
Good days and bad days are what I face. I am tortured more and more as I feel like a fake person in this world. I want to be free to be me.
Alexia Rose
I have been wrapping my mind around this subject lately. I am realizing that I am Bisexual in terms of attraction. I have heard that taking T-blockers and in the future estrogen I might shift in that thinking. What really makes one dizzy is the fact that by DNA if I ever do find someone and they are cismale I would be gay, right? Or would it be straight since in all other ways I am female? If I am with a ciswoman are we lesbians? Then if it is another Transwoman...oh my head hurts.
Of course all this is moot. I have nobody on any horizon. I cannot even see the possibility. So I guess it is all just labels and head spinning.
Alexia
I have been feeling a roller coaster of gender dysphoria. I haven't spoken much about this on here because you received my result of these feelings for so long. I realize when I get this way is when I read more porn stories and try to be the woman in the story getting fucked silly. I get very messy as I read and rub. I have become more in tune with my feelings as I am walking forward in wanting to do what can make me more like I should be.
Gender Dysphoria can be very debilitating. For me it can lead to depression. One of the worst parts of my depression is how ill I get with people. Then I get depressed that I was grouchy. I can spiral pretty fast. I have been feeling more female, if that can make sense. But, I am still carrying the things between my legs. I still have to dress as a man. I still have to shave the growth of hair on my face. I want to just cry.
While on social media I have received hope, but also a feeling of despair. I cannot comment as my true self. I cannot tell other Trans Women things in a conversation that I totally relate to in so many ways. So I just go up feeling good about being a woman who is in the wrong body for now, to being ashamed of the ugly shell I am trapped in. Feelings of being alone persist.
I just feel so trapped.
Alexia
Soooooo, I am not sure how much I will be posting. I am settling I guess you can say. I have accepted fully my true self. I mentioned sharing with some IRL that I am a Transgender Woman. I have a super doctor. He is understanding and supportive. I have weighed his cautions about privacy and my own desires to come to a decision. I want to take T-Blockers. My mental health is at risk. I have noticed when I can rid my body of hair I feel happy. When I wear a pair of panties or leggings that fit I feel happy. I want to feel more happy in my life. I hope that blocking testosterone will make some changes to my body. Lessening of hair would be a nice change.
A lower libido is something that happens, but I only have sex online so I figure it might be healthy to lower that bit. Lower blood pressure, well maybe I drop a medicine I take now. My face could soften so I would love that part. I might grow breast that are shapely. Not the fatty tissue I have now.
I think that my growth has matured me past my super sex starved gal I was at first. I feel a settling of my mind. I still have sexy slutty desires. I just now can see myself as a woman in the real world.
I hope to continue to have good updates. I am keeping all the old posts. They are part of my crazy journey. Plus some are pretty sexy.
Love you all.
Alexia Rose.
Just checking in. Been taking baby steps to have my life be more honest. Told Doctor, told best friend, contacted TG Support Center near me. I am gathering the courage to contact the host of the Support Group.
Really want to have a girl body. Bought some new panties. Bought some active wear. Bought a cute workout top that I sleep in.
Horny as hell. Wish I had a dildo. Want to become a excellent cock sucker.
So some old & some new.
I am trying to caption some more.
Love you Sweeties!
Alexia Rose.
Some days I feel such a strong feeling of dysphoria. My body is just so wrong. I really hate testicles. My boi clit is small. It does not intrude the way those disgusting things that hang there do. I hate them. I hate feeling them between my legs. I think if I could afford the operation I would get rid of them. I have had a thought about how we took them from the bull calves we had, but that might be too painful and not work well. No, not self mutilation, we put these really small bands around them and they fell off.
