THE REBIRTH OF JAZZ

Here is my return cap story for autobot5111. Can you guess she is a Transformers fan. As you can tell I did some things slightly different in the way I do a typical return for a Haven Member. I hope you like these.

*kisses*
Aleixa

Things don't get me down as much anymore.....

Let me qualify the title. I am doing much better now than I was this time last year mentally. Sure, I need more cash incoming, but that is not the main difference. I was walking away into the unknown. I had left the security of a paycheck and was not yet realizing I was suffering from a deep depression. I hated myself and everything about me. People around me had helped this grow and grow. I felt worthless and had suppressed much of the core of my being. It was when my personality got shredded that I was able to be come free.

Now I am where my abilities and personality is accepted and appreciated. I can be the geek I am if not the woman. Still, my feminine qualities shine through and those seem to me to enable what makes me good at my job. It is funny that the things about me that make me who I am might also be turned against me in the world. What matters is I am not in the dark hole I was in. I still have dark days and I am not giving the anti-anxiety medicine up just yet. What has changed is that when I walk away from work I feel good. I like that feeling.

Alexia Rose

THE POTRAIT OF ALEXIA GREY

I had requested the pics you see below to be used in a caption for me at Rachel's Haven. This is the fabulous results by autobot5111. She did such a wonderful job that I asked if I could share it with the Blog Readers. It is a 10 cap frame story. It is well worth the read. Later in the week I will post the return cap I did for her at the Haven.

Alexia

One with Nature

I look at this picture and I think back to my childhood. We had a lot of land. There were areas that I could roam naked and know I was just in nature. Now not so much which kinda sucks as I need it more and more.

I would find a place and strip all but my shoes off most times. My feet needed protecting from sharp sticks and briers. I would love to feel the heat of the sun on me. One of my favorite things was to sit in the stream. It was not very big, but in the summer it was cool and I just loved imagining being some magical being.

Honestly, I would think sometimes of turning into a girl. I always kinda pushed the thoughts aside. Yet, there was always a female me as I grew up. She would whisper and if I am truthful, she has helped me survive the depression I have experienced.

Some ask me about my Boy Self. I guess I am responsible for that in a way. To be able to talk about myself sometimes I do split myself into boy and girl. The thing is I do not feel like I have a boy side now. I have an outer appearance and the way I pass in life to others, but I am Alexia. My personality is similar, just less measured as Alexia. In real life I have to pass as a male gender. In myself I am a woman that loves other women and with a strong desire towards a certain online male.

How wonderful it would be to sit in a creek and be naked. Life should be that simple.

Alexia

GIMP version 2 test

A few bugs to work out of the new tool. This is just a generic tinkering I did after downloading a newer version of the GIMP program that I use to make captions. I am getting a bit tired and my head hurts some. Bad allergy time here in my part of the States. I do appreciate everyone that drops by and really love reading the comments left. It surprises me sometimes that there are almost 100 people that have signed up as followers. I hope you all are doing well and that soon I can be less whiny for a bit.

Toodles,
Alexia

Duality

One year ago I was suffering from a deep depression. While it was horrible, it also was tied to the acceptance that I am the wrong gender. Feelings I had never really understood were brought to the fore just before the world as I knew it was spiraling out of control. The boy side lost all sense of identity in many ways I think. He was not working in the profession he had been in anymore. He had reverted back to a childhood room and existence. So I embraced the girl inside completely and reveled in the feelings one side long denied of who I am being free. I am female, I am me. The thing is that the boy had protected me for years and I never really knew it. He still does.

I wear him now as protection from a world that would not treat me the same if I were to reveal the true me. He works again, but I know that it is my talents inside that makes him successful. I have to figure out how to be him again almost. I have to learn how to be two in one. He is the protector still.

What is difficult is my growing feelings of being made love to like the real me. I realize I have bisexual drives. I am attracted to women, yet if I were physically different, I could fall so easily for a guy. I have been imagining having a cock between my legs in a much different way. It is pleasurable to feel loved like this, as a woman. I am not sure what it all means. I am not sure if I will ever be able to transition. I feel like a trapped Cinderella waiting for a fairy godmother to change me into the princess I feel like inside.

Alexia Rose

I stay so horny all the time

I have just been so aroused lately. I seem to always have a finger or two in my sex or rubbing around my sex. I found this pic of my favorite woman. I would love to be able to spread my legs for my lover like that.

What I wonder is about the idea that being horny thinking about having a complete female body means? Some people would say it is a fetish, but I know deep inside I would rather have a vagina than the phallic thing I was born with years ago.

I think really I just feel more in touch with my sexuality. I know I would be a bit slutty. I just imagine having smooth and long legs that I can wrap around my lovers. I want nipples that harden and throb. The feeling of a penis entering me or a sweet tongue licking me, those would be feelings I would adore.

I am going to get some new captions soon, well as soon as I can get my fingers out of my pussy.

Alexia