Dualistic Conflict

I feel like the Boy's Life is drowning me. I get that I have to live and the reality is I can't without money and doing what I have to do, but, I am not able to revel in my life. I just am riding along daily stuff right now. I miss being able to spend time chatting with my friends on YIM. I miss making captions. I miss playing sexy RP's with people. It just seems I am having to stand back and let the facade run while the real me is bond and gagged, but not in a good way.
I can tell you that very soon I am buying a dildo. I hope that I can bring some of the physical nature of my desires to the real world. I want to have this as I fantasize. I can almost imagine lying in bed sucking on my dildo while my fingers play with my boy clitty.
I will get myself back in the swing of things soon I hope. Just know I miss you all and will work hard to return soon.

Kisses,
Alexia