DO OVER

I have realized this week is just too packed with new responsibilities as I am now kinda working. I have accepted that the caption I need to do will be delayed and I might even need to not post until after the weekend. I have decided to place the first Chapter of a story I am working on. It is a reimagining of what my life might have been like if I had realized what I was inside and my need to be whole. So the names and some things have been changed to protect me and those I care for. I am not writing a story that follows my life and just says, oh, you be a girl now. No I am gonna let the flow of choices I will face as I write dictate where I go. I might become lesbian, or bi. I do hope I get to kiss a great deal. I never really did in school. I also will be true to the possibility of hatred and stuff. I might get hurt along the way. Here is the first Chapter of my Do Over.

DO OVER
by Alexia Rose


The ring turns slowly around my finger as I resist the urge to bite my fingers. It took me all summer to grow the things out and here I was on the first day at school wanting to demolish the hard won nails. I stare at the pink polish I carefully coated them with. A quick look in the mirror and I reach hesitantly for the door of my family’s 1970 Ford LTD. It was a tank of a car, but I liked it. I felt safe inside her metal frame. Her, its funny how we ascribe gender to objects, but she was part of the family to me.

I paused with my hand on the car’s fading red paint job. She looked pink in just the right light. Closing my eyes I said a silent prayer that I could make it through the day. I was so nervous as I turned and walked towards the school. I could see Misty sitting on the radiator like she did all last year. I knew she was at school. I had parked beside her Blue Ford Tempo. A knot was forming in my stomach as I reached the door.

“Hey Misty.” I said as I lowered my head scared of her reply.

“Do I know you? She replied.

“Maybe if I said hello ‘possum?”

Her eyes narrowed and then she crinkled her nose as she suddenly realized who I was. “Jeffery?”

“It is Helena now Misty, but yeah, it’s me.”

She slowly walked around me as her fingers touched my blouse. “But, you’re a girl now.” She was about to pull my hair as the first bus unloaded and we were scurrying to the radiator and away from the crush of students that entered the hallway. Misty sat down and looked at me. “How? Why? So you…”

“Can we not discuss this in the hall? I want to tell you, but this is just a bit too public for me.” Misty nodded and gathered her stuff as we walked down the hall to Mr. Thorn’s class. We would need to be here anyway for our first period Advanced Chemistry Class. It was empty and we went to our old seats in last year’s Advanced Biology Class. I sat there quietly for a moment as I played with my ring.

She reached over and took my hand gently drawing my attention to her face. “Jeff- I mean Helena, just take a breath and start at the beginning.” After a gentle squeeze of my hand I began to relay my story of transformation.

“I guess you remember how I missed the last month of school last year. Well, the reason was I tried to……uhm…..let me just say I tried to do some operating down there and let it be. I was so unhappy. I have been for many years. I always felt like I was wrong and didn’t fit in. I wanted to be a girl for so long and I guess it finally made me lose my mind a bit. I nearly died. They told my mom and dad that I had basically destroyed myself in many ways, but it would be possible to reconstruct me down there as a girl. I had to talk hours upon hours to this Doctor that wanted to make sure I really thought of myself as a girl.”

I looked at Misty wondering if this made any sense to her. I saw a bit of confusion I think, but soon a squeeze of my hand told me she was ready to hear more. “I began taking hormones and this new genetic therapy. Basically after I was well enough I spent the summer in a rehabilitation facility for teens with problems similar to mine. I met a really nice girl named Sara there. She had problems because of her sexuality and what those lead her to do. She helped me though. I needed a crash course in how to be a girl. She needed a friend. It worked out pretty good. She helped me dye my hair red. Does it look OK? I didn’t know whether to wear the headband or my ponytail, so I just let it go.”

“It looks fine.” Misty smiled as she looked my hair over. “So you are a girl now. WOW. She sat back in her chair and just studied me. “So who all knows?”

“The teachers and staff of course, you now, my cousins, and some of the people I use to go to church with when it all happened.” I looked down into my lap. “I’m really scared Misty.” I lost it. The tears just began to fall. I felt the heavy weight of a hand on my shoulder as Mr. Thorn stood over me and handed me the box of tissues.

“Helena,” his deep voice growled. “If you have any problems, ANY problems at all, you come see me.” I looked up and saw the kindness in the face of this gruff mountain man. He had grown up in the mountains and was always telling us stories of the strange things that happened as he grew up. I always liked him and I hope I was one of his favorite students. He rewarded effort as well as success and that made us want to do our best for him. He turned around and ambled back into his workroom and I had to laugh quietly.

“Oh my! This will never do, you have got to fix that pretty new face before class.” Misty pulled me out of the chair and to the Girls restroom. Just like that my best gal friend became my best girlfriend.