sweet friend. He helps me explore online. I can tell I am different when I interact with him. In turn I know I am different towards my Thumper. I want her, I still have naughty and heavily sex crazed feelings for her, but I feel something deeper.I still have a very submissive streak, which I am coming to terms with and struggling. Yesterday I felt so horrible as I let my Thumper down. I was a wreck. I think part of that was the need to please her. She is so wonderful though. She just fills my heart with so much love. I feel like crying as I think that we might never get to actually meet in Real Life.
I am so in love. I feel the need to just be hers and love that I am cared for. I really want to lavish her with kisses, but just as much I want to just sit and be in her arms as we watch the stars in the sky. She is so wonderful. I really ache for her. I hope she can continue to love me more each day.
As for my friend. He really has opened a side of me up that scares me. I feel like he sees me for me. Maybe that has been my problem all these years. I have hidden myself out of a fear of rejection, never truly know all that I was afraid would be rejected. I feel so safe with him. He loves me as a friend. I just know I can tell him anything and there is only love returned. It really is wonderful to be growing, but scary as can be as well. I still am not sure where this journey is taking me. I am unsure of my future and what will become of me. I am trying to figure that one out.
Better go for now.
Lady Alexia
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