I Am Lost

I am depressed. I have tried to not be, but I cannot seem to shake these feelings. My life should be good. I have eliminated the toxic and negative elements from the Boy's life. I have people I know love me. I just seem to be drowning. I try, I do, but I just feel empty. I am clueless as a girlfriend. I seem to make things worse when I want to make things better. I wish I could fly, just float about all the craziness.


Maybe I am destined to be alone. I really do not like being around people right now. They annoy me. They scare me. People betray you. People lie about you and even family spreads the lies and hurt you. I am feeling better on the inside sometimes, but in real life, living the Boy's path, I am drowning.


Sometimes I just want to disappear. I want to go away and never be heard from again. Then I realize that is just a selfish cry for attention. Yeah, that will really show those people that really do care won't it? Make them worry that I have done something to hurt myself. Yeah, and I would do that right? I am too much of a coward for that, which I guess is good. I just look out and see no future. I see nothing. I have no hopes or dreams anymore. The horizon looks like a dark abyss that swallows all that approaches. I am approaching very fast it feels. Where will I end up then?


Alexia