There are a hundred things I should be doing right now. I seem to have to fight nowadays to just get going. I want to just sleep and let my mind wander. That is where I can be free from the sadness and loneliness. I can think of things like I did last night. I thought about really finding a computer program like in the Erotic Mind Control Archive that is called the Master PC. I could change reality to where I was always a lovely red haired gal and be in my same job and life. Then I internalized the reality changing magic of the program and I have the powers I have thought about for so long.
I immediately go and heal Rachel, Jillisa, and Bren. It takes some creative talking to find them, but I do and each gets the health that they deserve. No more pain and hospitals. No more doctors not listening. It is one thing I desire most to be able to do. I visited Nick. Somehow my mind stopped short of things between my Sweet Boy and My Star.
This depression is different. I don't just wish myself away. No scary thoughts of how to end my life, maybe the pill I take is working with that respect. It is just sadness and loneliness. Just a sense of being tired and wanting to just not move. Like a meditation or something. I have been reading runs of comics, so I know I am falling into my safety zone. I want to eat constantly, so it is good the house is not filled with stuff I crave. I just and struggling. I need to get the Boy in gear and have him get his responsibilities met.
Alexia
3 comments:
hey Hon, just know you are not alone. Many of us out here know how you feel. you don't have to be alone. Hugs
Just remember, things will get better sweetie. As hard as it sometimes is to see, things will improve!
Hope you are having a Happy Birthday Sweetie. I left a message for you on the Haven, but wasn't sure if you check that as much as the blog.
Each journey begins with one step, and I hope yours takes you where you need to go.
*kiss*
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