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Down and Out
The last post was very much just the pent up feelings exploding. I had been feeling left out for some time, even before I became more active in my life off-line. As people moved on and dynamics changed I just didn't feel a part anymore. I stayed quiet and just did what I needed to try and become healthy and tried to keep in touch, but somewhere I was left behind I guess. Whether it was just not having private messages returned or emails, I started feeling like maybe I was not wanted. I tried to push this out as the depression talking. It is a symptom I have I guess, my self-esteem is pretty much zero. The thing is that now I get it. I am not a part anymore. I am just someone that is around sometimes. Someone I guess that is tolerated and that is all. I know this sounds petty and small, but I can't help it. This and things in life outside of the cyber-world have just piled on. So I have to assess where I am and just do what I always do. Be alone and forever on the outside looking in.
2 comments:
Hi Lady, I get to feeling like this often. A lot of times I feel like soon I will be off the computer completly. But something always happens to drag me back. I don't really care if I'm on the outside looking in or the inside looking out, it's all the same to me.
I doubt anything I say can bring you out of your slump. I know from experience its up to your, but just in case it helps: Those people, there some who notice you and wish you were more than some who just hung around. Admittedly I'm only just holding off depression my self right now, but these last few weeks I've been trying to stop being that person who is just there and have a more possitive attitude and its feeling better. Things do sound bad for you right now but I'm sure you have the power to make them be great. I mean, I haven't even met you and I feel attached enough after reading you blog to write this....
No one should have to be depressed because they feel alone and on the outside,
Victoria
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