Been Writing

Hey Sweet Readers,

I wanted to make sure I wrote more and let you know what I was doing.  I have been more at ease in some ways with myself.  I feel myself maybe getting to a point where I will tell the Doctor about being TG.  That could only help at this point.  I know some of my anxiety is coming from my gender identity issues.  I have been wearing my panties more often.  I found a new Nair product that works great on legs, arms, and bikini areas.  Keep it off your nipples though.  Oh my it hurt for two days.  I had to cover them with band-aids.

I have at long last started to write.  I began a story on TG Storytime.  Convention Dreams is my first submission and it seems to be well received. Look for the title or my Name; AlexiaRose.  I am almost finished with it.  If I can start writing consistently I think I would like to start a patron page somewhere.  Would anybody pay for my stories?  Not sure.  I think I could start by expanding from my caption ideas.  It would be neat if I could get a bit of extra income to do the Transgender cosplay I want to do next summer.

Anyway, I am alive and living.  I have been in a better head space, but on the edge.  So just send me good thoughts.

Your Alexia

Dreams and Sexuality

I have been running some thoughts around in my head over the last year.  I am sexually active in a cyber type way.  I read stories and watch porn vids as a way to stimulate my imagination.  The best allow me to place myself in the story and become immersed.  In real life I am a 44 year old virgin.  Frustrated is beyond description.

How now can I be sexual in real life?  I am in an industry that would not allow for a true romance with anyone outside of the conservative norm.  So as I have realized I am really attracted to women that have a cock and pass for genetic female.  In public my dream gal would be the perfect girlfriend, in private I could be her submissive girl.  Where is she?  Could we do it, fool the judgmental and be happy?

I know that if I were able to pass I would definitely be bisexual.  I get a nice feeling radiating from deep inside outward when I think of sucking a strong and loving man.  Black would be nice, but really, any sexy guy would do.  Just have a nice cock.  I also want to know the feeling of being spread wide by a cock as my lover thrust in and out of me.

There is a strange happening that is really nice.  I have been able to push my small cock inside and masturbate as close to female as possible.  Now inside of the strong push of cum, there is a slow release.  It makes me feel like I am cumming like I should.

Hope this was not too graphic, but if you have read in the past I guess this is tame.

Alexia Rose

Been a Long Time

Wow, I knew I had not written in a while, but over a year.  Wow.  The stresses in my real life really took a toll.  I pretty much am not myself online like I was.  Yahoo changing software and all that stuff halted message chats with the few people I spoke with online.  It also denied me of serving a wonderful Mistress who truly understood my desires of hypnosis and submission.  Depression has been a battle still.  I have bad and dark times but so far I guess you can say I am winning.

I did buy some bras, those comfort type.  They have helped me figure where my need to exercise is at right now.  I have come to realize my pantie size and that has lead to some wonderful adventures of wearing them when I need to be me out there in that genetic skin I have.  I still dream of being a complete woman.  I want to be penetrated, caressed, kissed, loved.  All that and it hurts sometimes.

The picture of what I need in real life as a mate is clear, but pretty out of reach.  She is a passable gal with a nice cock.  In private I can submit as myself to her and have my desires be realized by one of the most beautiful humans ever created.  We would love each other and provide the emotional support lovers need.  I would be the one being penetrated.  I know my small thing would never satisfy.  She would love me even though I am stuck in a form I should not have.

Otherwise I read a bunch of TG Erotica and transformation stories.  I will see if I can be more active.  I just wanted to let anyone that once cared I was alive.

Alexia Rose

existing

pretty much what i said in may is still true.  just writing to let those that care know i am still living.

Alexia

wish for my reality to be real

I am so torn right now.  I am being forced by work to be even more assertive.  It is killing me inside.  I just want to desperately be the little submissive slut I know I am.  Even now after writing something to my mistress i feel the effects of just letting myself go and be really me.  I could sit and be commanded by her or just kneel in her presence.  It would be lovely.

I am also realizing I am very attracted to strong and beautiful women that have cocks.  I see some very pretty women on sites and would wrap my mouth eagerly around their hard shafts.  I can envision being similar, but deep down I know I want to have a real vagina that they could penetrate.

I wish I could be me for real and forever instead of living a trapped life.

Alexia

Wow...I knew I had been gone a while

I have been away so long.  Probably many have forgotten all about me or figured I just stopped being.  I have a second job and it requires me to be so in charge I think it causes me to not have energy to be in the world.  I know I lack time to feel like the submissive I am.  The other day my Mistress that has taken me as her Pet allowed me to just be.  It was nice not having a mind other than to obey her.  She is perfect, a woman with both a cock and pussy.  When she uses me I can be me.

I watched a film online where a woman became a true pet.  She lived as his puppy type human pet and it was so perfect.  He loved and protected her until the people he was involved with that shared his kink tried to take her.  It was sad when she died.  The only part missing for me was servicing both the Master and his Mistress in this film.

I am sad a great deal.  I know I will never know what it is like to have a true physical intimacy as myself.  Online is it and after that time ends when it happens I feel empty.  I know I let Mistress down because when she has finished I check out.  My mind becomes sad and tired and I just want to cry.  I guess I am like many girls out there who know they will never be fulfilled in life because they are trapped in a prison of male flesh.

Alexia

MISTRESS RIGHT

I found this new cap in my Haven folder.  It is by realfield and she captures my desires completely.  I feel the way I look in the cap when I read it.  Her Blog is here http://captioncandycounter.blogspot.com/.

Alexia Rose