I want to be a girl.......

I am having one of those weeks. I get so desperately caught up in my desire to be a girl. I see the hair on my body and I want it gone. I stand in the shower with my eyes closed and imagine the body I want so much. I see me in my mind all smooth and curvy and just cute. Walking around I wonder how I would look in the outfits other women wear.

It is nothing more than a twist of DNA and that lousy Y-chromosome that did this to me. I am so old though. My cute days seem so far away. Sorry, I am whiny. I want to stomp my feet and just pout. I know that in my heart I am Bi. I could so fall for the right guy if I had my girl body. Even if I just had everything changed through hormones and my stupid boy parts still dangled I could fall. I still though desire a girlfriend. We girls are just sexy. We are smoother and have that way of just being a goddess that drives me crazy. I still want that one woman my heart desires to be my first kiss, even though I know that is a mere dream.

OK, so I am just a Non Op T-Girl. I still feel like a girl inside. I just and stuck in this yucky boy body. I keep thinking maybe one day we will be able to manipulate genes and I will get the chance to really become what I should have been. *sigh* I will hush now. I still want the hair gone. *stomps foot*

Thanks for indulging me,
Alexia Rose

A Caption that was given to me by Rebecca Molay

The end of this post contains a caption that was placed in my cap trade folder by Rebecca Molay. She said it was inspired by the Blog, which if you go way back to the start you will completely understand. Rebecca played a big part in saving my life last year. My search for stories with images lead me to her Blog. From there I found Rachel's Haven and the friends that helped me survive a very bad place in life. I also came to understand I had beat down the woman that was inside and who I should accept. That accepting has made a big difference.

I may never be able to be complete in body, but just doing the things that have helped me accept I am not defined by outward gender has helped my inside heal. Whenever I get a cap from Rebecca I know I can never really give her anything to adequately show her just how she helped me in ways she never knew she was doing. She is a special person that gives all of us so much and helps guide us to outlets that allow us to be free. Thank You Rebecca.

Alexia Rose

I WANT YOU!

I saw this picture and immediately knew the story. When I wrote it I felt it was flat. So I am hoping for some feedback. Is it just an average story? Is it flat like I think? Is it better than I think? At the very least this is an awesome picture. I have an idea for a gender transformation caption for this picture as well, but the flatness has made it hard to write it up.

Alexia

OK, I have been reading, So that has gotten me behind.

Sometimes I lose myself in books. That happened when I recently picked up a copy of Greg Rucka's awesome Tara Chace novel called A GENTLEMAN'S GAME. Tara Chace is this kick butt British Special Operative who started out in the Graphic Novel series called QUEEN & COUNTRY. So I read the novel and the end teased the next book. Bummer, how would I find this cheaply and ever really? Yet there it was as I search at a used book store. I now had PRIVATE WARS. OMG!!!!! Tara ended up in such terrible trouble. She took care of it in a wicked way, but OMG! I read it in a 24 hour period I guess. I started sometime in the evening and read into the night. Finished the book later in the afternoon the next day.
Now Tara is written as a sexy woman, but realistically she would only have a gun like the one my avatar has if she was caught unawares. I have fallen in love. I lucked up and found a copy of the first volume of the QUEEN & COUNTRY Graphic Novel. I plan on finding some more. OK, I do have some more books, so I am split, but I am working some cap ideas as well. I even wrote a Lesbian story, but not sure about it. Maybe I will post it here for your gentle critique before placing it on the TCM Yahoo Group.

KISSES! *smooch*
Alexia

Big Smile

Yesterday Totally Rocked!

Body Hair

Just a warning, I am not going to mince words here about this topic. If hearing a struggle to remove all the icky boy hair from my body destroys the fantasy you have built up in your little minds, then stop reading and wait until I discuss how I am constantly horny and keep two fingers in my pus almost all the time. Otherwise I am in a quandary.

I have been doing fairly well keeping hair removed or stubble through the winter and spring. As summer nears I face a decision. Should I continue, in which case I will need to keep up the daily routines to ensure no hair so as to not stand out? Should I say screw it for now and let the offending mess reform on my legs and arms so as to pass easily in my conservative small town? Being smooth feels so much nicer than the alternative. I feel closer to the form I wish I could wear. Things is I am at a point of trying to maintain my personal feelings so as to not become the focus of an attack.

I am happy right now, I realize that fact. Life and job is beginning to be what I would like it to be. I sure do not want to do anything to mess that up, but if I kept hair removed, if that were my status quo, I think it would be OK. I was even thinking of trying to begin taking hormones on an unofficial basis in the hopes that my body hair and skin would change to a more pleasing look and feel. Yeah, I was watching some of the girls that still have equipment but can pass really well. I was so jealous.

My wish is that something would happen to my body chemistry or my groin area that would force a decision that could allow me to say, "Well, why not make me a woman then?" I really do think I have the condition where the male organ was not formed completely at the right moments. I am smaller than the norm, it is why the thing so easily remains inside me now. Rarely do I get that hated erection, had one yesterday morning, but it easily withdraws at the strongest of focus. I just get so focused on the desire to be a woman, to finger a real slit, to cup real breast on my chest and not the sorta fat I have. I know I am just living what many experience daily, I just get so unhappy with the body I have.

I have decided not to look further into the hormones, it would be really unsafe and costly. The thing is that I was so close to throwing caution to the wind. *sigh*

Alexia Rose

Hey Darlings!

My oh my, things are a bit busy right now. I am getting some foundation under my feet. I also and trying to sell some stuff little by little to go on a small excursion in June. My online time has waned because of this happening. I have captions in my head and some small stories. I just need to do a few when time allows.

I am happier. I hope I can make it through the next few weeks as I am reminded of my Mom a great deal. I really miss her and I kinda wonder what she thinks of me really being her daughter instead of her son. I probably have made so many of my friends at the Haven upset with me for not chatting a great deal. I know though that if I have the YIM on I will not get things done, but be distracted.

I am a bit confused about many things. I am such a social doofus. I have no clue how to find someone and express the feelings I have when I like someone. I am really lonely still. I desire so much to be loved in an intimate way, it just will never happen. OK, I am getting too sad so I better close this post out.

Bye Bye Sweeties!
Alexia Rose