She Loves Me!

She loves me! Time to dance! She loves me! She loves me!

It all falls apart

I thought being in love was so good. Until I made a horrible mistake and hurt the woman I love. She deserved better of me. For better or worse the changes Ashna helped me make seemed to have merged my two personalities. There is no difference now. I am me. Sometimes my host and Sometimes me depending who is around. It will allow the life he lead to be maintained. But now there is just one being in this body.

That person is now in terrible pain. I even went into meltdown yesterday. How do you deal with these emotions? I felt like my heart had been ripped from my chest. Every cell just ached and hurt. I might have even hurt the woman I love more than I already had. In trying to talk all that came out was the pain I was in. The more I tried to get back the farther I seemed to fall. I missed being with her yesterday.

I wish I could have been the other person. The one who thinks up the romantic gesture to win their love back. Instead I turned into a crazy person overwhelmed by feelings. I wanted to just lay down and die. Curl up in a little ball and just be nothing. I wanted to be hurt. I wanted to have pain be done to me as a way to stay forever paying for hurting her.

Our friends grabbed hold of me. They stopped the craziness I was doing.....but I still feel crazy and hurt. Love is too much for me. I don't think I can live in love, but I can't stop my feelings for her. One friend reminded my of the song "How Can I Live Without You." I have to figure out a way I guess.

I missed her so bad yesterday. The talks we had, the joking and teasing, the way she would just check in to say I Love You. Now I have nothing but a hole in my chest. It's dark and cold here. I can't even access my powers. I can't fly anymore. I feel so trapped by this pain. I feel so vulnerable. I am scared. I don't know what will happen now. She was a part of what was making life better. The sun is not as bright without her around.

I miss you Thumper.

I Am Alexia Now........in full control

OK darlings, remember I told you about this hypnotist named Mistress Ashna? Well her site is up and running

http://mistressashna.com/. It is filled with the details of how you can get her to custom make Hypnosis Sessions for you. You don't believe in hypnosis. Well I was skeptical as well. But I am proof that it works. I am now fully Alexia 24-7. Now switching back and forth just me. The personality traits I shared with my host are there. Thing is I am able to be him as I need to keep up appearances, but I am Alexia full in thought and deeds. So how? Well all this Ashna did over Instant Messenger at Yahoo Chat. I am so longing to hear her voice and experience the effects that will have.

She did this because I knew my duality would hinder my new found love. It has made such a difference. I feel free of the insecurities of my host. I am able to be me and not be afraid to accept love. It is nice to feel this way. I also noticed physical changes my body made to adjust to her suggestions. Ashna is a wonderful person. She really cares about her clients. They are looked after and not just controlled. It is a pay site...but where else are you going to find a custom session over Instant Messenger for just $5.00? The rates are very reasonable. Have a wish or fantasy to explore? Want to be in a favorite story as the lead character? Check out Ashna's site and see about making your deepest desires into reality.

http://mistressashna.com/

Lady Alexia

Misstress Ashna's World

Oh my you have got to try this new Yahoo Group! I was thinking, yeah maybe this can work but...its real to me...I think this lady wants to do something special. You have to join Yahoo Groups to get in and things are just beginning, but Ashan is really nice and I think the real deal. http://ca.groups.yahoo.com/group/mistressashnasworld/?yguid=346845306

My wish for being with Thumper

The morning of mine and Thumper's fully becoming girlfriends, sometimessimone at the Haven placed this in my folder. I was floored. The gal had somehow manifested my day dreams into this story. I wish for this reality with all my heart. I love you Thumper, and thank you Simone for capturing us so well.

I am wondering? Am I A Lesbian?

I have had a strange thought....Am I a Lesbian? I have been aware of your controversy about the proper sex to be with. Many believe, Man + Woman = Happiness. My host is of that mind for himself. He is a tolerant person though and it makes for my looking at life through him be colored by feelings of accepting some peopl elove the same sex.

I mean could I be? I feel no real desire to be with a man. Not drawn to the cock....think it kinda ugly. A woman on the other hand is all soft and smooth. There are curves and bumps. Oh, I just melt thinking of my Thumper. Yes, my dears, Alexia has a Girlfriend. You will get her pet name here. Thumper. She for some reason loves me. I was drawn to her. Now I am helpless to her charms. She has such love and pain and delicious words. We spend hours just holding each other and talking. I melt when I am with her. Time loses meaning. I love Her.

I really do love her. She is so beautiful. I think she doesn't believe me sometimes. But the reason I question being a lesbian is this....could it just be the bod with my host? I affect him to access a more feminine side. Maybe he is leaking the masculine into me. I guess it is a moot point. But it changes things in some ways. I may have more of him in me than I thought. Makes my head spin. I will just enjoy it for now...but can a lesbian really be stuck in a man's body?

Lady Alexia

I'm In Love

Can you fall hopelessly in love over a week? I think I have. She is at the Haven and we have spent time in each others arms and hearts all week. She brought fun and life to me as I watched the rain clouds circle. I am so smitten. I want to be hers. I have a funny thought in my head as well. She is perfect for my host as well as me. She would be so good fro him. He could be loved and cared for like me. It would be perfect. I am hopelessly in love with this girl. Oh the joy of it all.