Nice Fantasy

I was dozing yesterday morning and my hand slipped into the waistband of my boy shorts.  Soon my fingers were in my slit rubbing my boi clit.  I began slowly grinding and daydreaming.  Soon I was in the most amazing moment.  I was masturbating myself to climax and my beautiful black lover came in the room from his shower.  He let his towel drop and I watched his big cock begin to grow and throb as he took hold of my legs.  I continued rubbing as I watched him move to have my ass raised.  He covered his cock in some K-Y and soon had me in position to enter my ass.  I felt him slowly push in and I rolled my hips.  Soon he was thrusting in time to my fingering of my clit and we made love for such a long time.  I came so hard and woke up feeling so wonderful.

Alexia

Need for Balance

Figured I would do a bit of an update.  I am in an up and down battle with the diabetes right now.  I feel really bad at times, but I have come close to getting the target range before the rough patch.  I stay horny all the time.  It makes me wonder what would happen if I ever go on hormones?  I think I would like to try just taking the female hormones, not really for transition right now, but for balance in my body.  I think the mood swings I have comes in part from being at odds in my body.  I have the little cock like so many of the girls on hormones.  I really think I was screwed up in my formation as a fetus or whatnot.

I am scared to mention something, but I need to in a way.  The one I love and I had a nice chat the other night.  It was almost like when we first met......I had to stop from wanting her so bad, but I was flirting really shamelessly.  I know that there will never be anything like a happily ever after, but it was nice to be comfortable with each other again.

She is determined to aid my cock whorish ways.  She gave me a hypno file that really did strengthen what I already feel when I see a nice big cock.  The woman who recorded the file has such a good voice.  I have also found some cool hypno porn on the Net.  I love the good ones where I almost go under myself.  *sigh*

My hair is to a point I feel it move on my head.  I wonder what the people around me think as I grow it out.  Dad is making remarks, but I just let it go and think, "if you only knew" as I ignore him.  

*kiss*

Alexia

Blogger Woes

Hello Sweeties,

It seems that a program to zap spammers and out of use Blogs has been taking down TG Blogs.  Of course people immediately thought there was an attack on the TG community, well the TG Caption community.  I hope it is just a bit of coding and tech stuff that is due to the Google restructuring.  Most have gotten their Blogs back up, but I wanted to just let you know what was happening.

I have always been careful to have my Adult Warning and I never tag a post.  I worry that I will lose my Blog because someone wants to report it out of meanness or something.  Could be copyright stuff.  The thing is that every Blog I have ever seen since I have been on Blogger has copyrighted material on them.  We all post images that are not ours and found online.  It is how they are used I guess that is the point.

I have not created a G+ account because part of me just has this scared aspect that I will be publicly outed as TG.  I am Alexia inside, but legally I am the Boy.  It is a quandary as to whether I should create an account.  Plus, it seems that crossing streams would be easy in some ways.  Anyway, have work to do so bye for now Sweeties.

Alexia Rose

Yes Master

"Rub him harder Slave."

"Yes Master."

"Slave, when you feel the pre-cum on your hand you will feel even more aroused.  Your pussy will feel so empty.  You will need to fill it, fill it with black cock."

"Yes Master."

"You will ride him until he plants his seed in you Slave."

"Yes Master."

"Once you cum the changes will be permanent.  You will be fully female and the nanocites will dissolve and you may serve your Master forever."

"Yes Master."

"Now say your Mantras until you cum."

"Yes Master.  I am a black cock whore.  My mouth is for the use of cock.  My pussy is for the use of cock.  My ass is for the use of cock.  I belong to Master.  I serve and obey Master.  Master has the ultimate black cock.   I am a black cock whore.  My mouth is for the use of cock.  My pussy is for the use of cock.  My ass is for the use of cock.  I belong to Master.  I serve and obey Master.  Master has the ultimate black cock.   I am a black cock whore.  My mouth is for the use of cock.  My pussy is for the use of cock.  My ass is for the use of cock.  I belong to Master.  I serve and obey Master.  Master has the ultimate black cock.   I am a black cock whore.  My mouth is for the use of cock.  My pussy is for the use of cock.  My ass is for the use of cock.  I belong to Master.  I serve and obey Master.  Master has the ultimate black cock.   I am a black cock whore.  My mouth is for the use of cock.  My pussy is for the use of cock.  My ass is for the use of cock.  I belong to Master.  I serve and obey Master.  Master has the ultimate black cock.   I am a black cock whore.  My mouth is for the use of cock.  My pussy is for the use of cock.  My ass is for the use of cock.  I belong to Master.  I serve and obey Master.  Master has the ultimate black cock.   I am a black cock whore.  My mouth is for the use of cock.  My pussy is for the use of cock.  My ass is for the use of cock.  I belong to Master.  I serve and obey Master.  Master has the ultimate black cock.   I am a black cock whore.  My mouth is for the use of cock.  My pussy is for the use of cock.  My ass is for the use of cock.  I belong to Master.  I serve and obey Master.  Master has the ultimate black cock.   I am a black cock whore.  My mouth is for the use of cock.  My pussy is for the use of cock.  My ass is for the use of cock.  I belong to Master.  I serve and obey Master.  Master has the ultimate black cock.   I am a black cock whore.  My mouth is for the use of cock.  My pussy is for the use of cock.  My ass is for the use of cock.  I belong to Master.  I serve and obey Master.  Master has the ultimate black cock.   I am a black cock whore.  My mouth is for the use of cock.  My pussy is for the use of cock.  My ass is for the use of cock.  I belong to Master.  I serve and obey Master.  Master has the ultimate black cock.   I am a black cock whore.  My mouth is for the use of cock.  My pussy is for the use of cock.  My ass is for the use of cock.  I belong to Master.  I serve and obey Master.  Master has the ultimate black cock.   I am a black cock whore.  My mouth is for the use of cock.  My pussy is for the use of cock.  My ass is for the use of cock.  I belong to Master.  I serve and obey Master.  Master has the ultimate black cock.   I am a black cock whore.  My mouth is for the use of cock.  My pussy is for the use of cock.  My ass is for the use of cock.  I belong to Master.  I serve and obey Master.  Master has the ultimate black cock.   I am a black cock whore.  My mouth is for the use of cock.  My pussy is for the use of cock.  My ass is for the use of cock.  I belong to Master.  I serve and obey Master.  Master has the ultimate black cock.   I am a black cock whore.  My mouth is for the use of cock.  My pussy is for the use of cock.  My ass is for the use of cock.  I belong to Master.  I serve and obey Master.  Master has the ultimate black cock.   I am a black cock whore.  My mouth is for the use of cock.  My pussy is for the use of cock.  My ass is for the use of cock.  I belong to Master.  I serve and obey Master.  Master has the ultimate black cock.   I am a black cock whore.  My mouth is for the use of cock.  My pussy is for the use of cock.  My ass is for the use of cock.  I belong to Master.  I serve and obey Master.  Master has the ultimate black cock.   I am a black cock whore.  My mouth is for the use of cock.  My pussy is for the use of cock.  My ass is for the use of cock.  I belong to Master.  I serve and obey Master.  Master has the ultimate black cock.   UUUuuuuuuggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm."

I want to submit to him

This is a difficult post to write.  I have been so horny and really felt like I am in a trance since I have seen this pic on a Blog I follow.  I have had a hard time keeping my fingers off my clit.  I just have feelings of wrapping my lips around that long, hard ebony rod and sucking while feeling his strong hands in my long hair.  He pushes trying to force my mouth to accept all of him.  Then I imagine him stretching my pussy as he fucks me.  I am willing to submit to him.  I want to be like this, just at peace knowing I am loved by my Master.  Mistress Simone said I was a cock slave.  I felt like that was right.  I wonder if I am in a trance though.  I feel entranced.  It is confusing, yet nice.  I wish I could just feel like this always.  I wanted to be used.  I wish I had a hypno file where it lead me through a fantasy of being a cock whore for a strong Black lover.  Just to lay back and enter a world where my mind is not telling me how worthless I am.  A world where I don't feel like just giving up and dying.  A world where I am serving my purpose to give love.  I have been having all kinds of fantasies about this man.  I need him inside me.

Alexia

A Thank You and an Apology

I want to apologize for scaring some of you, I should not have let myself do that on here.  I really was not in a good place and it was wrong to just release all of that on you all.  I also want to thank you all for being little bits of light to help me.  It helps knowing somebody is at least aware that you exist and are experiencing stuff that is difficult to deal with.  I know my problems are so small compared to others.  I feel guilty about feeling like I am dealing with stuff that is so hard when their are others dealing with things that are much bigger.  I guess part of me wants to just be completely naked and vulnerable.  I wish I could let go and be the one receiving love instead of the one that is giving.

My job is one where I give of myself a great deal.  It can be very one-sided at times and recently the balance just tipped too far I guess.  Then all the medical stuff and money issues just heaped on an I had nothing left when I began missing Mom so much.  I have been living this double life of hidden depression so long.  People know I get down, but they never see how bad I feel.  I put on a brave face and do my job and then crash.  It is not healthy, but when you are alone, what can you do.  Hugging one of the dogs can only go so far.

I have never been kissed in any intimate fashion.  I have never just lay down with someone and been in each others arms.  No true intimate contact of any kind.  I am 39.  One more year and I am a movie cliche.  I want to be loved so bad.  It hurts.  

Thank you again for all the words of support.

Alexia

I am Sad

I have had these really heavy feelings of sadness for a few months now.  They are like waves crashing along the shore.  I can muster up the feelings of normalcy for a bit, even find laughter or small victories of joy sometimes.  Then the wave engulfs me and I am just sad.  I am also just very lonely.  I just wish I had someone to be there and let me let my guard down and know they are watching over me.  I just am tired and tired of fighting life.

The diabetes is taking a toll.  I have little in terms of resources and even though the clock reset, money is going to run out.  I work to change eating habits.  It is hard when the very foods that give comfort are also what will help to slowly kill me.  I get depressed and my bad outcome has always been food, so I get a double whammy of hard dealings with the diabetes.  Add that I am still working to lose weight, eliminate sleep apnea and fight depression and I just want to give up.

Living with Dad is hard.  Stress and fighting over stupid things because he is stubborn and I am like him, plus irritable from the take your pick list of problems I have.  I want to give up so bad.  I just get so hurt inside.  I have figured it out, that is the scary part.  If I ever do give up, I know how to do it.

My mind is at war with itself.  All my intellect and the things that make me who I am are in constant battle with the dark things in my head; doubt, fear, paranoia, hatred of myself.  That voice that tells me how dumb and stupid I am.  It tells me I will die alone and unloved.  It makes me want to just sleep.

I have been just out of it.  I owe Sci-Fi Kara an apology.  I offered to read and proof stuff for her and I let her down.  I volunteered to do the Christmas Day caption for Terri's 25 Caps of Christmas, and because this horrid wave of sadness hit me, I almost didn't get it written.  Worst is missing Alectra's birthday at the Haven.  One thing I have tried to do was make Birthday Caps for people, and I missed hers.  I hate missing that and feel terrible.  So many of the people I have met through the Haven are battling terrible illness and struggling with these big problems, and I can't even do anything for them.  I just feel like a failure.

All I am good for is moaning on here.  I am finding it really hard to love others when I can't love myself.  That is affecting work.  My compassion is still there, but the effort to help and guide people leaves me so drained at the end of the day.  I ache in loneliness.

I look at my Blog and I wonder why anyone even reads it because of how I am lately?

Alexia