Twin Soul

Just wanted to let everyone know I am OK.  I know a few people get worried when I am absent too long. I have a temp job that will be taking up much time and also require rest and sleep.  My Star would say I am corrupting small minds.  Truly, my mind corrupted by her is all I really wish.  I have been reading a great set of novels.  Inside there is a character who is called a twin soul.  She is a woman that was born male and she presents herself as one until they mus flee during a time of war.  It started me thinking and pondering feelings inside me.

 

I feel like her in so many ways.  I want to be like her and just become the woman I should be, but I am confined and trapped by the danger it would bring to me.  It has made me see things and think on thinks.  One being my coming to realize I do not think that I could have sex with a female like the body I wear should.  When I look at a beautiful woman, I still think of being with her.  The difference is now I accept I want to take my tongue and fingers and use them to make her feel pleasure.  Then I grow sad knowing I can never feel the same pleasure and that she would never accept a person like me, and probably no woman could.  I am not going to whine.

 

That is the other thing I have thought about, my sexual nature online and how my mood swings and stuff probably made many who I considered friends and even more to just leave me alone.  I do release my depression on here and online a bunch.  I guess it is because I have no one in real life to speak to and that I see safety in the people who were around me.  The problem comes though from my mixed relationships.  Many I have had cyber chat sex with.  I t is all the sex and intimate interactions I have had or have.  I guess it was not what should have been.  My moods changing sometimes or my need to just have some form of intimacy turns or turned some who I cared for away I guess.  It hurts and sometimes my damaged and depressed brain uses it to make me feel things that are not real, at least I hope they are not real.

 

On a good note, I have Farrah hair.  My hair is getting longer, it feels nice and even though thin on top, it has that Farrah Fawcett feathering naturally forming.  I like that idea.  *sigh*  I only I could wear that red swimsuit from the famous poster.  Still I am working on growing it long and will need to make a decision about trimming for manageability.  I have only shared with a few an idea I have for it.  If I can, when I get it long enough I want to donate it to Locks of Love and let that be a way to honor one brave woman that means so much to many of us who find safety at Rachel's Haven.

 

So stay hanging about Sweeties.  I miss some of you so much.  Wish we were lying on a beach naked and watching the sexy guys and gals walk by, also naked.  Yes, Jilly, me and you letting our sun kissed bodies be ogled by those around us.  *kiss*

 

Alexia