Thoughts

I feel so bad at times because I am not able to make caps and post as much as I want to do. I also am not on YIM at all anymore. The reason is that I know I will end up connecting and then having to say good-bye as soon as I speak to people. I guess I am trying to choose the best way to be guilty. I am almost like a ghost I guess.

When I first became a part of the Rachel's Haven community I was a real mess. I didn't realize it at the time. I was in a horrible job environment. I was severely depressed. I really was not in the best place mentally. I am better in so many ways now. I am at least happy in my job now. I could use a better paycheck, but hopefully that will come as the place grows. I am handling my depression. The thing is that as real life has become better and busy, cyber life has been limited.

I am still the horny girl wannabe I always have been. I have been daydreaming about bikini bottoms of late. I also am becoming more at ease with the fact I am at a place where I must just live in this deformed boy body. My female instincts still manage to make me good at my job, which is an irony I can't share.

My hard drive is filled with cool pictures that need captioning, but I have been doing real life work and messing with plants and the dogs. I do pray and keep Jillisa and others in my thoughts. I am still hopelessly in love with My Star. I look around and there is just no possible romantic interest in real life. I also am wondering just how I am wired for that world anymore as I realize my sexuality is different from the normally accepted standard of my small rural community.

Know that I am doing OK and still working out so many things. I do hope to make some caps soon, but I have a heavy work schedule for the next few weeks.

Love,
Alexia Rose