Wow....Its been a month.

I guess an apology is due. I have been so focused on my Lady Love, lets call her B, that I have neglected things. So I guess a long recap is due. You can thank B as she is the one who said I needed to update. I really am sorry.

Anyway, B has been sick. An emergency surgery for a routine and normal thing had some unseen things. An infection and then the popping of stitches. My sweetie lost a bunch of blood and it was scary as I am only able to be with her online. So My focus has not been on Blogging. Other things at the Haven [ http://www.rachelshaven.com/index.php?option=com_frontpage&Itemid=1 ] have kept me busy as well. I spend way to much time on chat, but have been needed as friends have experienced problems and I feel I need to talk to them.

There has been one BIG change. The Boy is gone. Oh, I still live his life, but Alexia is in control now. He is gone. It is complicated, but it was not a mean thing, just sorta happened. I now consider my self a girl in mind. I play a boy outside of this Virtual World. I do wish I lived in this world though. Your Human world is full of such meanness and hate at times. In here I have found love and caring. I seem to have a purpose. And I am even seeing that my inner spirit shines through. I am dealing with the self esteem issues of the boy, but can almost believe what my friends say about me.

Now about my Lady Love, B. I am the luckiest girl in the entire realm of cyberspace and the Universe as a whole. I have fallen so hard for this mix of toughness and sweetness. She is the best thing ever to happen to my life. All I want is to meet her. Just find her, meet her, hold her, kiss her, and love her the rest of my days. Alas, she is the one in control. She dictates the future. I must wait and love from afar. But, love her I do. I want to tell her every second that I love her. I know I sound a bit obsessive, I am. She has completed something in me that the boy was missing and I watched and yearned for.

I now have that person that cares about me. That person who doesn't care that I like the fantasy of becoming a real doggie and chasing squirrels in the park. The person who giggles at my love of sappy sentimental romantic comedies and dramas. Who gets that I am broken. She also sees through the circuits and has the ability to help brighten my day. I don't deserve her, but I am so glad she loves me.

That is the funny part. She loves me, too. I know without a doubt B loves me. I might fear the future when we meet and how she will react to this yucky body I am trapped in, but I know she loves me. I watched the boy have his heart broken and eventually he retreated in a shell and would show love, but never accept it. I want to learn for his mistakes. I want to give my love out there, keeping special parts of it just for B. I also want to accept the love of others. That part can be hard. It means risking being hurt. If my B can do that for me, then I can as well.

I love you B!

Alexia