FERTILITY IDOL

This is a caption made for me at the Haven by my beautiful and wonderful Jillisa.  She has been feeling blue lately and I want to send her hugs and kisses.  I love You Sweetie.  Hope to chat soon *KISS*

Alexia

Fertility Idol by Jillisa

Mentally, I think I am feeling more settled

Inside, I feel like the real me more.  I catch myself thinking with ease about who I really am.  It is hard to explain.  I just have a peace about being a woman.  Yeah, I am stuck in a deformed body.  But, I feel right.  I catch myself thinking more about how my life could be.  I don't know about someday, if I will ever be where I could really transition, but for now it is OK.  I will not obsess and just let it be what it will be.

I think accepting that in this body and this point in my life I will always be single releases me from worry.  I get to be fully me online.  I have a wonderful friend and two awesome men that I am free to be myself around.  I am growing to accept this outlet as my substitute for the costly surgery and all the rest that I would need to do to transition.  I would lose a job I am finally loving.  I would need to do porn if I went for the change now because it would be the only job available.  Not that I think I would suck at it, just that it would be too much on those around me.  I guess I just wanted to write a happy post after all me depressing ones.

Alexia Rose

AS IT SHOULD BE (caption by realfield)

Candy (relfield) made me this caption over at Rachel's Haven.  It is so yummy and stuff that I wanted to share it with all of you.  Enjoy!

Alexia

Paint By Love

This picture has been haunting me for weeks now.  I had this romantic idea in my head.  As my cold progressed I seemed to hear this poem form.  I hope it makes sense.  I am adding the text below in case it is hard to read.  I am placing this in JPL's folder at the Haven.  She is just one of many I am in deep caption debt to at the moment.

Paint by Love

By Alexia Alexander

He had a secret, she knew it but did not tell.

The Boy thought it was hidden well.

It was of being curvy and soft with two pair of lips,

A vision of beauty that had wider hips.

The Girl loved him so and soon had decided,

To find a way to keep their love united.

Fate intervened one cold dreary day,

As the Girl sought refuge from a rain that held sway.

In this quaint little shop,

She found a white bearded man that reminded her of her grand-pop.

A Wizard was what the man made claim to be,

With items exotic and magical pedigree.

A paint set was bought.

Her lover she sought.

In the quiet of their room naked they stripped

And with each brush stroke and paint color reality ripped.

Their love making was wild and stronger than ever.

Exhausted they lay on a pallet of down feather.

When they awaken the Boy will be Girl and She will be He.

Perfect and Body and Love united they forever be.

Caption that won Mistress Teresa's Contest

She provided a pic and I instantly knew the caption.  I wish that spark would come back fully.  Anyway, Strapped in Silk is her Blog.  She has Hypno Files for sale and a custom option.  I won and chose the Bedtime Feminization II file.  It is so awesome.  Teresa has a gorgeous voice and smooth way of speaking.  I am a broke ass T-Girl, so I can't buy things right now, even a dildo *pouts*.  But you would do well with her files I think.  Check her out peeps.  I am sick right now so I may go to bed.

Alexia

I think I know what the mystery Hypno file was, cocks!

I had always had some obsession with cock, but lately I think that maybe some of the files I mix together have intensified this desire to suck cock.  I really need to get to a place I can buy me a dildo to suck on.  I want to lay back in bed and just imagine sucking a big old cock.  I have been watching so much cock-sucking online.  I would love to be with a sexy Transsexual and suck her cock.  I also realize I not only like beautiful black girls, but I could just become a pet for a well hung black man.  

I need to make sure that I also include the lesbian fantasy file to balance my mind I believe.  I know so worry that I am messing with my mind, but when I slipped my non-sexy panties on I just felt heavenly.  Others I know believe it is just total crap.  That is on you.  I firmly believe that hypnosis can work when a person allows themselves to  open up and let it happen.

Know I have been spaced out between posts.  Life has been progressing.  Temp work has been busy and the regular job is going well.  Read the book She's Not There which I plan on writing a review.  Plus it is planting season.  Plants growing is so awesome.  Plus I play in the fire that warms the little sprouts.

Kisses
Alexia

So I feel Pretty......

I am very horny lately.  I also have been listening to many hypnosis files, including the one I won at Strapped in Silk.  Bedtime Femminization II is awesome.  Mistress Teresa has such a wonderful voice.  I might have been a bit hyper-horny after one long session of listening.  I get that way, see Hypnosis is my fetish.  I was so in the correct frame of mind as well.  I feel more at peace in some ways and have yearnings for a true life as the woman I should have been.  I know this is confusing, it is to me at times.  I just hope that someday things sort out for me.

I have found some new Justine Joli vids online.  I was watching her and a beautiful blonde having sex and I just looked at her inner thighs and longed to have curves and softness like that on me.  I had a silly thought.  I wake up in Justine's body.  She, I had been hit on the head in the middle of the shoot in the kitchen scene and I am just coming around.  I am me, just in her naked body that has a doctor checking me out.  I am sent to the hospital and eventually get home.  i wonder if she has a current boyfriend or girlfriend.  What I really want to do is travel first to see my Sweet Boy and then to my Master.  From there I would try and get the courage to see if the woman I fell in love with as I discovered the real me would let me see her.  I would have to get Jillisa for a shopping spree as well.

I have a new Hypnosis file that allows my Master to send me commands through email.  I hope he uses it.  I want to be a good girl for him.  I also want to be his in ways that I am not able to resist.  I know I still am holding back some.  I want to keep pushing myself to become his perfect online submissive pet.  I am feeling tingly in my insides just thinking about him having control over me.  

I am so much a coward though.  I am reading the book "She's Not There" and it scares me.  The woman in the book was older than me when she transitioned.  I really wish I had the money to see a gender therapist.  I think there is a few to the South of where I live.  I am scared.  I don't want to lose what little I have.  Starting over in a new life would be so hard and I am not sure I am strong enough.  It is just that more and more I seemed to feel my true self is not who I present to the world.  Hiding is so hard on the mind.

Alexia