Fantasy Desire

 

I have been circling around two types of fantasies lately.  I am not sure why I am becoming fixated on these.  I just know I get very wet and my body tingles when I watch videos or imagine these types of acts and my being involved.  One is a desire to be taken by a strong and muscular black man.  I even have his body type imagined.  He is of a deep dark complexion.  Broad shoulders and muscles that are cut and defined.  Bald headed and really no body hair, just smooth and strong.  My white skin is so ghostly when he holds me.  He has a massive cock and I want to just swallow it whole and let him fuck my mouth.  I just feel like he is my world.  I want to please him.  I just get really hot and aroused, like right now just thinking about him.

The other I am a transsexual.  I still have a small penis but I have been castrated.  I am really feminine in appearance and my body has taken to the hormones and surgery well.  I am being used by a couple.  I believe I am there pet.  Each uses me in different ways and I live a life that is cool.  I get to wear all the sexy outfits I daydream about.  It is just a nice life and I am loved.

I am loved in both and life is just about pleasing those I love.  I wish life could be that.  I wish those I love could be cared for by me in that way.  I have a few people in mind that I wish I could be with like that.  I dream of being completely Alexia and standing before them so I can hug them and really let them know I care about them.

Alexia 

Tired

Where to begin?  I am really just trying to endure the changes I am going through.  My medicine and the depressive thoughts I have keep me feeling tired.  I let that hold me back some I guess.  I seem to be on a cycle of ups and downs.  I am at a good place in job setting.  Need more money to live.  I need to be out of the parental home.  Living in one room is killing me.  I need to handle my desires better.  I need to reconnect with the people online I care about.

So many needs.  I am horny all the time.  I wish I could feel something with another soul.  I am so lonely at times it hurts.  I know that if I could just become a woman I would be bisexual.  Not sure what that would mean if I cannot escape the boy bod.  I do know that I could be happy as a transsexual.  I see some of the girls on the Net and they are so pretty.  I am less endowed than they are and I just wonder sometimes if I could become beautiful like them?

So basically I am a slacker right now.  I am just existing.  I hope to be out of this whatever it is and posting.  I have no caption drive at all.  It is just a sluggish feeling.

Alexia

Busy

Just a note to say I am OK, well as Ok as I ever am.

Alexia

Busy

Just a note to say I am OK, well as Ok as I ever am.

Alexia

Hey Sweeties!

I am slowly adjusting to the no carbs and nothing that I love to eat diet.  Craving Italian so much right now.  I think the depression med has evened out a bit.  Not quite as drained, still have hard time resting.  I want to apologize to my Sweet Boy.  We were being silly and playing out a nice first time girl to girl role play and I had to go.  I am so sorry to have done that.  The running to the potty is difficult and our time zones were in the way.  *sigh*  I wish I could curl up at the foot of your bed and be your pet so much.

My Bren, feel better Pretty Star.  You are the strongest gal I know.  You would love the moon here tonight.  It is hanging low and has that orange tinge to it.  Feel better.  *kiss* I Love You.

Jilly, I have been so separated from you.  I hope you are OK.  I say a prayer for you every night.  You are such a creative soul.  I wish you would write a book of stories.  You could do it.  You have the ability.  I see it every time I read something you make.

I am redecorating my hovel.  Just really wanted to check in and let all of you know I am still around, just very busy trying to live the boy's life and take care of my charges in that life.  Plus I just feel so tired at times.  I hope to be more active soon.

Alexia Rose

New Dream

I have been dreaming about my first ever love.  I see here and me as I truly am floating in this place of just cloudy color, like mixing all the colors and that is the background.  Her hair is flowing out from her in a beautiful way.  I see her and just fill happy and love.  She is perfect and I just look at her.  Her body is wonderfully gorgeous and I know that I would do anything to make her happy.  I feel so good just holding her hands and floating.  I feel her pulling me towards her and that is when I see she is wearing a large black harness and strap-on.  She pulls me nearer and soon the dildo is piercing my lips and I am being filled.  I orgasm immediately and without stop.  She slowly makes love to me and then as I am still filled, hugs me to her and strokes my hair. 

Health Struggles

I have been dealing with the diabetes and changing medicines.  The new generic depression med is sapping energy and the lose of a pill to control sugar has been causing adjustments.  Bad new about the stages I am in, genetics are against me.  Just wanted to check in and let you know what was what.

Alexia