Depressed and just feeling lost.

I haven't written because I really just had nothing but the same to say.  I am depressed alot and when not working I sleep or just try and sleep.  I dream and think of being just a simple sex toy and wish so much I could let my mind just drain of all thoughts that would not be that simple.  One thing that is at least stable is my ability to masturbate.  If I was not able to do that I don't know if I could survive.  It is the only sexual release I have and I think it will be the only one I ever will have.  I am just a lonely depressed gal that is trapped by so many factors.  I look through the boi's eyes and see a profession I am moderately good at, but if people knew I was tg I would lose everything in terms of the little money I have.  That is the other thing, money.  I am just tired of being unable to be a normal person in terms of having cash.  The parental unit keeps me above poverty, but it should not be that way.  I hate it and just see even the small ways I try and make extra cash disappearing.

All I really want is to be similar to the pic of my avee gal.  I want cool red hair and a neat smooth pussy that is used to give pleasure to my Master or Mistress.  I realize I am attracted to both.  The more I accept that I am female at least in thought and feelings I can admit that I find both genders arousing.  In many ways I think pre-op transgender women are the most sexy.  I dream a great deal of having my mouth around a thick cock while looking up at gorgeous breast.  I am just a horny slut I guess.  Why can't there be real magic that would transform me into the girl I want to be? 

Alexia